5 years and parents come to visit

When you think of five years you seem to think that it is a long time and then you can also look at it as wow that has flown by. I love General Conference and look forward to it every six months. I love hearing the words that are said and the extra boost of "I can endure and keep going" attitude. I feel that those feelings and encouragement is so needed and seems to come at the right time each year. Every October Conference I am excited about what is going to be said but it also marks another year gone by since Ryan and I decided to try to have a family.

Man-I NEVER EVER thought five years ago that it would have taken this long and that I would have gone through everything that I have! Yesterday starts the clock of the count for number six to begin. CRAZY!!! I thought for sure that weekend (October 2004) when we decided to try that it would be quick and easy! I mean why wouldnt it be? It is so for so many!!!!! At that moment, I still remember, I was so excited, my dreams of being a mother were going to happen that very next month! :) Boy was I wrong! :)

I know I shouldnt but I always seem to shed a few tears and have a moment where I am sad and pull this pity party on myself. I hate that I do it cause I have been given so many promises, the feeling of peace, and I know it will happen.......but I fall short. I think last year was the hardest one. I think I was in a slum for a few weeks and struggled but was amazed to have such amazing support from my ward girls and my closest friends. Last year at this time marks the one year mark where I began to let people know exactly what was going on and my struggles of fertility and miscarriages and sharing my heartache instead of keeping it inside. I think I did some serious damage to my soul keeping all my feelings locked up inside for those four years! I often felt alone and "the only one" without kids. I swear I was drinking from the wrong water hole cause I was surrounded by so many beautiful girls who were expecting and everywhere I looked there were women my age or younger who had at least 2 if not more and I got the "oh you are such a cute newlywed" saying until they found out my age, my schooling and career, and how long we have been married. I know I jumped to conclusions on what people must think and was very imbarressed and I guess felt ashamed. I mean that is what we "morman" women are suppose to do.........BE A MOM AND HAVE A BIG FAMILY. Telling these wonderful women made things a little easier and some had similar stories and could relate. I never thought letting people in on such an issue would bring me such comfort and I would be held up at times of despair especially now since my number of losses are only few shy of 10 and that is heart wrenching just the thought! I am forever grateful for good friends and those that read this are my dear friends so I just wanted to tell you thank you! You keep me going forward and you keep me holding on as
I PATIENTLY WAIT


FOR OUR LITTLE MIRACLE!


FAMILY TIME

For those of you who remember reading about my XMAS post, my parents were not able to make it due to weather in Chicago. It was such a bummer and just added to my grinch like view on life at that time. Well, my parents were able to come out on Wed and stay till this morning. It was so nice to have them here and so nice to spend time with them. I dont get to see them very often and they havent been able to come and see Ryan and I in over a year and a half. It was such a great visit!

Thursday I had to work so Ryan took them downtown Scottsdale and had them walk around and treated them to lunch. Friday we got up early and we took them on the Superstition Drive. It is so beautiful. Here are some fun photos of that trip.

My parents at Tortilla Flats


Outside buildings


Inside the buildings in Tortilla Flats there are these dollars bills. There was a fire a while ago and it burnt down. People sent one dollar bills to help build it again. They had so many people send money in that they had too much left over. The General Store has 10,000 dollars in 1 dollar bills inside of it and the Saloon has 100,000 dollars in 1 dollar bills inside of it!

Here are some photos of the walls and ceilings of the buildings!






In the bathrooms there were these fun paintings on the stalls! I couldnt resist the yellow one!!! I wish I had those boobs to fill that outfit!! :)


Here is my handsome cowboy!


Here are a few shots of my parents and us along the ride and the Roosevelt Dam




Of course my parents were so excited to meet their Grandpuppy and boy did he love them as much as they loved him!




It was very nice to have them here and I am so thankful they were able to come! Like I have said many times before, Ryan and I are ok on our own by ourselves but we definitly miss being close to family!