6 months

I cant believe that I am writing 6 months right now. It has been 6 months since we left Arizona and embarked on a journey that we felt was suppose to be but didnt know what to expect. I still feel like we are in limbo land and at times get discouraged wondering why and what are we doing? I mean granted my health has improved greatly and it has been such a blessing but there are other parts where I feel like we have gone 500 steps backwards and no means of moving forward.

I feel like we have gone from being financially very well off, have our own place, been on our own for seven years to not stable, living with family, and not knowing when or how this situation is going to change. Yet again my faith is put to the test and yet again I reread over what I have written and go over the impressions and feelings and continue to trust that going backwards is really not backwards in the Lords eyes but merely forward in a different direction. A direction that was needed and is obviously important. Hopefully sooner than later the answer to those questions will come. We both are ready to be settled, have our own home, and of course a family.

I havent been much of a blogger lately which is not like me. I use to try to blog at least one time each week to continue to document what is going on and I found enjoyment of it. I found enjoyment in what others had to say to my "madness" of words and experiences. I find myself not having the energy to sit down and write out what is going on let alone the encompassing emotions that I have.

The diet is always an up and down emotional battle for me. I feel so wonderful and I am so thankful for the news because it is going to save me in the long run from health issues.  But.....it is hard and Gluten is in EVERYTHING and I find myself messing up  a lot due to not knowing something had it and getting down about it but it sets me back. The sugar part is so not fun and I ended up gaining a bad habit that only through the blessing of a Loving Heavenly Father have I been able to overcome it and walk away from a problem that I never knew I had but did for quite sometime that was so dangerous and bad for my health. Also, I guess, I just hope each month that all my HARD efforts, I mean I try to do EVERYTHING right to help and fix my body and yet again no. Not to mention that I feel like I am on this road by myself now. My friends that I felt connected to with having no kids are now either pregnant or have adopted recently and  I guess a few months shy of 6 years is not the end of my trial and I signed up for something longer.

I find myself in this ROTE kind of mode where I feel like the days and weeks and months are running together as I get up, go to work, and go to bed and it goes over and over and over. I dont want life to be that way. I want to remember the little things and enjoy every moment cause you can NEVER get it back. I am ALWAYS trying to pick myself up each morning and going forward with a smile even though inside seems to think other wise. It doesnt help when I am missing 115 degrees and sun everyday with some beautiful monsoons instead of 56 degrees and clouds every morning and maybe if we are lucky hit 78 degrees and sun by 4:00 in the afternoon.

Ok enough of my downs: Here are some things that we have been up too.

Ryan's birthday was June 13 and I surprised him with a golf lesson and a trip to Seattle. I got him pretty good. He thought we were going golfing again like last year. He was pretty pumped for the lesson to help him improve his game.  Isaac helped him blow out his candles.

Fourth of July: Our dear friends, Mike and Deanna from Arizona, were going to be in Bend Oregon for the fourth for a family reunion so we drove five and a half hours to see them and crash the reunion. We brought Haydeez with so they could see him. He knew who they were right away and was so happy to see them. I only wish they could of brought his mom and dad and sister along too. It would have been such a sweet dog reunion. We went to the Lava Caves which are over a 100 feet down in the ground and a stable 42 degrees all the time. Yup, very cold. It was a great little getaway, a much needed getaway. BUT.........It made us VERY homesick. We miss them so much!!!

Saying goodbye. :(

We got back in time to go to the fireworks with family. It was so FREAKING cold!!! I am sorry the fourth of July is not suppose to be high 50's! I had two sweatshirts on long pants my hoody on and blanket wrapped around me to stay warm. Something is not right about that! It has been a couple of years since we saw fireworks on the fourth so that was fun.

As we are closing in on August our prayers are towards finding a job for Ryan and knowing exactly where he is going to teach so we know where we can begin to look to live. He has put out some resumes for some job postings and we just pray that the one is out there that he is suppose to have and it will come soon.

As always I continue to keep trying to keep my focus on the mark and not let other things bring me down. I am thankful for good friends and family. I am thankful for Ryan. May the spirit of comfort and peace continue to be with me to sustain when I am down and to keep my faith running on full blast!