Where has the time gone?
Today is June 9th! Where has the last 4 months gone! I cant believe the last time I wrote was in Feb. That seems so long ago! I was in a pretty low, unknowing, discouraged place 4 months ago. Hard to believe how time comes and goes before we even really have a chance to realize it.
So much has occurred in the past 4 months. So much emotion, love, and changes. I have everything written down in my mind of each step by step but I have been bad and have not written it down. How could I have let this much time go by with out writing it down? I think a little of it is because if I wrote it down then something would happen and then it wouldn't be true any more. I NEVER truly realized how guarded I have been till it all came together. I ALWAYS thought that I would view things, feel things, and do things so much different than what has actually occurred. I was hard on myself about it at first but in reality how could I not be like this? It is only natural, right? I am hoping to push forward and begin to enjoy this process before it too goes by so quickly and another 4 months passes by like nothing!
I am going to try to write this step by step so that I dont miss anything. It is going to be LONG so you can stop now or continue. I will understand! ;)
Friday FEBRUARY 15 th 2013
Today marked the first day of the dreaded shots again for IVF. My whole outlook of this process was so different than in December. I was just really going through the motions of it all. I didnt really document, take pictures, or put any HEART into it. I was really numb. In fact this time around pretty much NO ONE knew we were doing it again. I had led on to everyone that it would probably be in May. I wanted no attention or eyes on me this time for the fear if it didnt work again I didnt have to deal with the disappointing phone calls I would have to make. I put a lot of pressure on myself last time and I thought for sure it would work! This time I was way more cautious and way more unsure.
Friday FEBRUARY 22nd
I had a follow up ultrasound with the doctor. Dr. Sher was out of town so I had to do it with the other doctor. I was suppose to have started my period and almost be done but it hadnt started yet. I went in to the ultrasound and he tells me I have a large cyst on the left ovary and needed to come back in on the 26th to see if it had gone down. If it doesnt go down or away then the planned cycle for March is a BUST! I felt two emotions. GREAT, just another thing to go wrong and how are we suppose to do this and then MAYBE Im not suppose to do the cycle because I am going to get pregnant on my own! Of course I wanted the 2nd one to be true.
Tuesday FEBRUARY 26th
I walk in and the doctor comes back in and starts to check me. He says hmmm you have some cysts. DUH thats why I am here!! The nurse taps his shoulder and reminds him that I am here for a follow up to see if the cyst has gone down so that tomorrow I can start the heavy drugs to prepare for egg retrival next week. He was like Oh yeah! He then tells me the cyst is still there but has gone down a little and then says dont worry about it and go forward with the cycle. I left really uneasy and so wished Dr. Sher was there to see me. I didnt trust this guy and didnt want to do a cycle that would end a BUST because this doctor is incompetent and didnt know what he was talking about. I quickly email doctor Sher and he assures me if the cyst had gone down I will be ok to start.
Wednesday FEBRUARY 27th
I start the heave belly shots to develop the eggs. This time I am on the LOWEST dose you can go on. Dr. Sher hoping that my eggs will grow so much slower and have a better turn out than last time. I dread every morning and night to do these shots. My prayers that it isnt in vain but I have very little expectations.
Monday MARCH 4th
First day of cycle- Which means I had to go in and have an ultrasound to see where my eggs are and if they are behaving themselves this time unlike last cycle. Dr. Sher comes in of course as nervous as I am to see the results. He finsihes counting and measuring and gives me a hug and says MUCH MUCH MUCH better! I need to come see him tomorrow.
Tuesday March 5th
I go in again for another ultrasound and he tells me that he is so pleased and the eggs look SO much better and I will do the HCG trigger shot on Wed and come in on Friday for the Egg Retrieval. He gives me a hug and a kiss on my forehead and tells me good job and he is so pleased! I leave relieved that things are better and he is happier than last time. My heart still dreads what is coming on Friday and cant believe that I have to be put under again and do this whole thing all over again.
Friday March 8th
Egg retrieval day! The day I dread with all my heart!!! I was more nervous this time around because I knew what to expect. How wrong is that? It should be easier!!! This time I didnt do anything extra. Last time I payed money to do two rounds of accupuncture. This time I was like- NOPE- if it is going to happen it will happen. No more extra money or effort. I cant do it! The same sweet darling anesthesiologist was there like last time. She hugged me and wished me the best! Then I was woken up in the recovery room. Dr. Sher came in to give me a big hug and to tell me how happy he was with the 10 eggs he got! He said they look wonderful and he is so pleased! Now it is a WAITING GAME!
As we leave the office the staff hands me back my check for the anesthesiologist. She gave it back. Dr. Sher had told her if he was doing this procedure for free for us she too needs to do this for free. I got so teary eyed and choked up as I thanked the staff. Such wonderful people taking care of Ryan and I through this whole process. There are still good people in this world. Such a blessing for us!
SATURDAY March 9th
I get the call from the office to tell me that 9 of the 10 eggs fertilized. Now the eggs are left alone for 2 days and then they call me again to tell me how many have progressed to the next stage. This part is the hard part. Last time each phone call got more and more depressing. I just tried to not think about things and go on my day to day stuff. If things went well then they did. If not I was not going to do this process again.
Monday March 11th
I got a call telling me that 7 of the 9 eggs had made it to the next step and to plan on implantation on the 13th of March for 11 check in and 12 implantation. I was glad with the numbers but was still not overly excited. I had been here before and then the ending was not that great. She told me on the phone she would call me Wed to tell me what was happening.
Wednesday March 13th
I await that morning for the call. 9 comes, 9:30, 10, and 10:30 come and go with no phone call. I finally get the courage to call. They tell me they are expecting me and wouldnt call unless something was bad! I had the impression something must have been bad since I hadnt heard from them but it was wrong! I ran to put things together and Ryan and I hurry. I have no idea how many eggs made it or what stage they are in. We arrived and go back to the room. The nurse shows me my egg and tells me congrats you have a GRADE 1 egg! the best you can have to implant. I start to cry! I have the best egg possible this time!!! The other nurse and Dr. Sher come in lots of tears and hugs as they tell me not only do I have this egg that is GRADE 1 but we have 6 more that are being frozen that are GRADE 1 as well. The staff in the lab were bragging on well my cycle did and how they have never had so many GRADE 1's before in one cycle! It was pretty amazing.
They bring the egg in and do the process of putting it in. I am not scared since last time it didnt hurt so I know what to expect. He places the egg in and we watch for the white grain of rice. The lab guy goes back to check the catheter and yells nope, still here! I was so confused. Dr. Sher tells me sometimes the egg is stubborn and doesnt want to leave and stays in the catheter so they double check. The nurse laughs and says, Its a BOY! Every time this happens it ends up being a boy! They are stuborn! It will be interesting to see if that is true. They have to do it all over again and the 2nd time it works. I was worried that it would damage the egg but they said nope everything is fine. It happens. I lay there with Ryan next to me for the next hour. I am not excited as I was last time. I am numb. I dont talk to it, I dont really do anything. I just laid there like well, I hope it works but I wont be surprised if it doesnt...................
THURSDAY,FRIDAY, SATURDAY MARCH 14,15,16,17
I have off. I did lay around on Thursday but after that I didnt care. Last time I didnt move! I did all these things that everyone says to do. This time I didnt care. I pretty much told Heavenly Father I am not going above and beyond this time. If it happens then it happens if not I wouldnt be surprised.
Thursday March 21st
D-DAY- I had to get up that morning and go take get my blood drawn. I told myself that I wouldnt take a test but I thought, I would rather know and deal with the emotion than not know and have to hear from the phone. So I did it. I peed on a stick believing 100% that it would be negative.
To my surprise a bright red line showed up next to the test result line. I doubled take-----------what? No! I took another one. Same thing. Well, I know it worked thus far but been here its not anytime to get happy! At least I know the first blood test should be positive. I know I wont hear from them till after the 2nd one so I dont think about it.
Friday March 22nd
I take another test for the fun of it! The bright red line for the positive pregnancy test shows up before the result line! UMMMMMM....................pretty sure that is a good thing! Maybe this is for real!?! I had bought the digital test as well. I thought if that comes up pregnant than it is a really good sign.
You have to have high levels for that! Sure enough PREGNANT in big black letters!!!! I look at it over and over again. I have never gotten a digital one to work! My levels have to be strong. Is this happening?
An hour later Dr. Sher calls me. He tells me he is too excited to wait for the 2nd blood test. He tells me he normally doesnt call till the 2nd beta but my levels are 300 and a normal blood test result is 60! He tells me I am going to have a baby and that it worked and that there is a HIGH possibility of twins! We both cry over the phone! This is really happening. He tells me that we will wait for the 2nd beta but he has no doubt this is a good thing! He tells me I am going to be a MOM!!!
I keep driving to my visit in tears and still in shock! What? Really this is real? Oh my goodness.
I get home and put the Washington Huskies gear I have been carrying around with me since 2007 to give to Ryan to tell him and put them in a box with the pee sticks. We go to dinner to do our Valentines dinner since I was sick the last time and we hadnt done it.
I give him the box and he opens it up in shock. Really? I tell him Dr. Sher called and that it looks really good. Ryan is excited but wants to wait to see how the 2nd beta is. I felt the same.
Monday March 25th
2nd blood test. I wait all day and no call from the office. I went in at 7 in the morning and no call. Dr. Sher calls at 6:30 and I tell him nobody called. He is in shock. He calls the Quest and they tell him it wasnt stat so they wont have the results till tomorrow. I was totally bummed but relieved at the same time for I thought something was wrong.
Tuesday March 26th
I get the phone call from the doctors office with the 2nd beta numbers of 1590!!!!! Congratulations Karmann you are going to be a mom!!! The levels are really high and really good for the 2nd beta. you have a strong little bean or beans inside! Tears of joy stream down my face and I am in shock. The worry of what if still lingers in the back of my mind. We are still only 4 weeks 5 weeks on Friday and a long ways to go. I still am hesitant.
Wednesday March 27th
Infusion Time!!!! This is what is going to keep me pregnant!!! I hate this so much but I have no choice! Every 2 weeks till September 9th I have to have this IV and pump me with this milk like substance. I keep telling myself that it is what is best!!
Friday March 29th
We head to California for Easter. I had wanted to wait awhile before telling people. I was still so unsure. Ryan tells me he called his mom and told her. I was really sad. I had been working on a gift to tell her when the time had finally happened for sometime. I had been working on it since 2006 waiting for that time to finally come. I had done it for both moms. I then felt bad for being sad because he had every right to tell his family and I knew it was because he was excited. With his mom knowing I knew we needed to tell his siblings so I let in on my sister in laws the news. Everyone was in shock as no one knew we were doing the cycle so it was a surprise and it was fun to see everyone excitement.
Sunday March 31st
Happy Easter Sunday. I let my parents and brother know by uploading the video of the test turning pregnant and shared in the WHAT? with them and the excitement for they didnt know we had done the cycle either. It wasnt how I had in visioned I would tell them but it was ok. They were super excited and happy.
April 5th
6 WEEKS!!!
I made it to 6 weeks! A huge milestone with my PREGNANCY. I had never made it to this point without miscarrying or starting to miscarry. I felt relieved that the INFUSIONS were working and so far so good with things. It still wasnt real for me yet though. I kept looking at the tests for assurance but nothing would be real until I saw the baby on the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat.
April 6th-14th
I went on with life waiting for the ultrasound to confirm heartbeat and to see the baby for the first time. I wasnt really tired or feeling very much different than when I felt not pregnant. The big difference I noticed was I was having to pee a TON!!! I would have to go to the bathroom every 20 mins and a ton during the night. I had to eat every 2 hours of I felt kind of yucky but that was kind of normal for me. My boobs didn't hurt and no changes there. It made me kind of nervous. We get a call that I need to do a heavy blood work up. It ends up being 18 viles of blood!!!
I get the news I was so dreading!!! I am positive for the Blood Clotting disorder and I have to start the Lovenox shots in the belly for rest of the pregnancy up t 6 weeks postpartum. I am so sad but what can I do?
Monday April 15th
ULTRASOUND day! I cant even begin to explain how nervous I was. I kept having these nightmares that there would be no baby and no heartbeat and it was all a HA HA HA jokes on me. I wanted to vomit. Dr. Sher came in and asked me all these questions. Do you boobs hurt? NO, Are you tired? NO, Are you nausated? No! His look on his face made me even more scared! Are you peeing a lot?, YES! The only yes but it still didnt help wash away the worry on his face. He took the prob and stuck inside of me. He quickly did a look and pulled it out and said ok GREAT! I will be right back.
He then comes in with his media lady and asks if we would be willing to have her tape our ultrasound. We both said sure! She then begins taping as he starts the process over again showing me my perfect healthy baby with a heart beat of 157. I was crying, he was crying, everyone in the room was in tears. This was a HUGE MILESTONE for me for I had NEVER gotten to this point! He tells me the likely hood of miscarriage now is very slim and to not worry. He asks if he can use our story and ultrasound and we tell him sure. He then asks me to come and speak at his seminar next week and tell my story. Of course I said! How could I not after all he has done for us! He prints off the pictures of our little bean and gives them to me. Is this for real? Is this mine?
I am mad at myself for not believing it! I just witnessed on the screen my baby and the heartbeat!!!! Why was I still in denial!!! Why was I still questioning that it was real? Why did I still doubt and feel ok things are fine today but tomorrow it might not be true! I was so sad at myself! I was so sad that I couldnt bond or get excited about what I saw or felt today. What was wrong with me!!!! I had not imagined myself this way! I always figured I would bond so fast as soon as I got the positive pregnancy test and ESPECIALLY once I saw the baby on the ultrasound but I found myself disconnected and doubting. I cried a lot that afternoon. More of just of why was I having such a hard time believing it was true! Praying for help to be ok with things and know that it was happening and that everything is going to be ok.
I come home and get on facebook. UMMMM............that is a picture of Ryan and its a video! Dr. Sher had posted our video of the ultrasound on his facebook page and we already had over 40 likes and 20 comments. I sit and watch it! Tears run down my face. I watch it again and again and again. Trying to make it real for me! That is me and that is my baby!
I put the picture of the ultrasound in a frame and kiss it! This is mine this is mine. Its going to take time but its ok.
Tuesday April 16th
I get a call from FOX 5 Las Vegas News wanting to do a story on Ryan and I and wanting to do it this afternoon. I tell her there is no way with my work that we can do it today. She then states ok, how about tomorrow at your house at 4:30. I feel obligated to say yes so I do. Ryan and I both were very hesitant about the whole thing. I mean I was only 7 weeks a long and not really ready to tell the world yet. It was still so early for us. But I also felt the need to share our story. About 6 months prior I remember feeling that I would share our story publically and remember promising Heavenly Father if he allowed a miracle to happen I would share our story and try to testify of our faith and be that example he would want me to be. I felt that doing this would be an unselfish thing. I prayed really hard that things would go ok.
Wednesday April 17th
I had the WORST day of work possible!!!! Get home at 4:15 and of course FOX 5 is already there and ready for me! UGHHH!!! I barely have time to pee before they are knocking on the door. I rush to pull myself together and the interview starts. They take a long time with us. They interview me and then Ryan. I cant imagine that it will be longer than 45 secs! They sure took a lot of video for that. She tells us she wanted to air it tomorrow but changed her mind and would wait till the middle of May. I told her with a sign of relieve that we appreciate that since we hadnt really told anyone and were not ready for the world to know just yet. She told me she would let me know when they would air it and thanked us so much for sharing our story.
Friday April 19th
8 WEEKS!!!! Oh my goodness!!! Im two months!!! I am feeling great! Still no pregnancy symptoms. I started thinking that they should start to kick in now and will be with me till the 12th week. Everyone kept telling me it would come. So I got myself prepared for the worst as I reached the 2 month mark!
Friday May 3rd
10 WEEKS!!! Oh my goodness!!!! Only 2 more weeks till I will be headed into the 2nd trimester!!!! I am still waiting for those pregnancy symptoms to come. In fact it worries me a TON that I dont have them!!!! I wanted them so that I felt that everything was moving along right. I wanted them to know that my hormones were working and that the baby was ok. It made me so NERVOUS and I couldnt wait till the next ultrasound to reasure me that there was indeed still a baby and things were ok. I wouldnt have that reasurance though till Tuesday May 14th.
Tuesday May 7th
I get a call from FOX 5 that they are going to air the interview tonight!!!!!! I was a little in shock. I wasnt ready for the world to know just yet. We werent 11 weeks yet. I wanted to wait till the 2nd trimester before we let everyone in on things. I didnt have a choice though. It was going to air that night at 10. Ryan and Both just figured no one would see it, I mean who watches the news anyways!!!! We were wrong! Lots of people watch the news and lots of people saw it. People were really good about not posting it to my facebook wall and only emailing, texting, or calling. The interview was done so well. Both Ryan and I were happy with it. I was still scared to let the world know. If people saw it they saw it but I wasnt ready to post it officially to the social world. Everyone's response that did see it was so sweet and very comforting. We have had so many wonderful people supporting us through this process and it was amazing to see the out pour of love.
Here is the link if you would like to watch the news interview they did on us. Click on the video part when it opens
Fertility issues plague Las Vegas couple - FOX5 Vegas - KVVU
Monday May 14th
Its time to see the baby again! Its time to make sure that things are going well. I am more nervous this time than before. I still hadnt really had any pregnancy symptoms and I am nervous that baby is not there anymore or at least not alive. Dr. Sher is not worried this time and has the media lady all ready to go to video the ultrasound as he puts the prob in and sees my BABY which looks more like a baby than a little bean. We see its hands and feet and legs kicking and moving all around. I start to cry again as I am looking at something that seems so surreal! I again have to tell myself I must be one of those girls who is lucky and doesnt have many symptoms and tell myself everything is going to be ok.
Dr. Sher gives me a hug once it is all done and says that I am released from him and not to worry and just get a regular OB. I am a little taken back. With everything that I read about the Blood Clotting disorder and having to be on Lovenox that I should be followed by a high risk doctor. I ask him again and he says, nope you should be fine. I leave still unsure about that. I dont feel that it is a good idea and that I should find an OB that is both a regular one and a high risk doctor. I need to get on it too since this Friday marks 12 weeks.
Friday May 17th
12 WEEKS!!!!
I am headed into my 2nd TRIMESTER! Say WHAT? How is this possible? How has it already been 3 months!!!!! I am shocked and overwhelmed that it is true!!! I get the courage to call a doctor that is both an OB and high risk doctor in one. I only wanted to deal with one person and have the doctor who is working with me delivery me. A bunch of people recommended doctors. I spent quite a few days pondering on who I should go with. I was on a walk with Haydeez early in the morning and felt the need to go with Dr. Wilkes. I called him and he wanted to see me right away. I got an appointment with him on Tuesday May 21st at 11.
Tuesday May 21st
I go and meet with Dr. Wilkes. He is a great guy. He tells me that he is going to watch me very carefully and wants to see me every 2 weeks to check on the baby, check my cervix, and to make sure I am feeling ok. He gave me his cell phone number and told me to call him whenever! He told me if I was nervous in between visits and wanted to see the baby then to call him. He didnt want me worrying. I ask him all about the concerns I had with the Blood Clotting disorder and he assures me he will watch me carefully and as we get closer to the due date will decide what is best for the baby and me. I leave feeling really good and cared for. I trust him. It was a hard adjustment to leave Dr. Sher. I was treated like a PRINCESS and wanted nothing less than that from my next doctor. With all my worries and concerns I needed a doctor who wanted to be overly cautious and take me as a high risk case. He told me I would never see any other doctor and he would be the only one who dealt with me. It was very comforting and I walked out of the office feeling very thankful for following the feelings I had with choosing him.
Friday May 24th 2013
Happy 10 years to Ryan and I and happy 13 weeks. I get the courage to post to the social world that we are expecting! I post the first ultrasound video to facebook and let the world know we are PREGNANT. I am overwhelmed and humbled by the out pour of love and support as my phone dings non stop all day with everyone's excitement and thanksgiving for the news. I was in tears most of the day. Tears of a thankful heart for so many wonderful people in my life. Ryan and I had a great afternoon together. We hadnt planned on doing anything since we were going to go to Florida but then that trip was cancelled and then we also had plans to go to Utah the following weekend for a wedding and didnt want to spend too much money. We went to eat at our favorite buffet and then went to the Stratosphere to go up to the top and reminisce our honeymoon. Ryan came walking out of the bathroom telling me they had a deal on Hotwire and wondered if I wanted to take it. I was feeling spontaneous so we went to the front desk and scored a killer deal for our special night. We went to the top and talked about 10 years ago.
Crazy how much time had gone by and all the things we were able to accomplish. The next day we spent at the pool and just relaxed. It was just perfect!
Tuesday June 4th
Time to see the doctor again for my 2 weeks check up! I am feeling really good. I am due for a pelvic ultrasound and a pap smear which I am not looking forward to but I get to see my baby so Im not complaining. Doctor Wilkes comes in and gives me a hug. He says that he is really looking at baby today and my cervix. I say ok. He goes to do the routine Pap Smear and asks me with a worried voice," Have you ever had an irregular pap smear?" I tell him no. He then says ok well I am not going to do it today. I am not going to touch your cervix. He then goes right to the pelvic ultrasound and quickly checks the baby. Which he tells me that the baby is moving ALL over the place and cant keep a hold on it. He then smiles and checks the heart rate. A steady 154 and everything sounds good. He then goes to the cervix takes a few pictures pulls the prob out and then sits me up. He says we have to talk. My heart drops! I knew something was wrong by his tone with not wanting to do a pap smear. He shows me my cervix on the screen and tells me that it is closed up top but then shows me how it opens as it gets closer to the baby. He says to me that normally he would just monitor a cervix like this to see what happens but with me its a different story. He tells me that he feels and what his gut is telling him is that he needs to do a cerclage. He then asks me what I am doing tomorrow. I tell him work. He then says well tomorrow you are not working. You are going to Summerlin Hospital and you will have the rest of the week off. I start to cry. This isnt happening. He then goes over the procedure and then I start to turn pale and cry more. I have to have a WHAT? Yes, an epidural. He tells me he is quick and it will be fine. He gives me a hug and tells me that he doesnt want me to lose a baby and he wants to be proactive. He tells me he doesnt know what my cervix will do but he doesnt want to take the chance. He says, I will see you tomorrow and all will be well. I get dressed holding it together.
Why cant ANYTHING be easy!!! Why do I always have to have hard things happen to me. It didnt seem fair!!! I call Ryan and of course he feels the same way. We both are scared and worried and trying to deal with it all. I am terrified of an epidural and shots!! I am so scared and felt so overwhelmed. I got to talk to a few who had one already and it sure helped calm me.
Wed. June 5, 2013
My time to arrive at the hospital was 1:00 for a 3:00 surgery. I was a mess. I was full of emotions and was Ryan and we werent helping each other. We get to the hospital and we sit in the empty room where most woman come to after they have had their baby or have their baby. I was sitting there staring at the bed, machines, baby holder ect realizing I did not expect to be in this room till I would be delivering and how uneasy I felt being there at that time.
The nurses were super nice and caring. I was so cold and so scared they had a really hard time finding a vein for the IV which made it worse for me. The one nurse was really good and just got it in and made it work. My friend Nicole came to see me just in time where I was really beginning to freak out. She calmed my nerves just before they rolled me into the operating room. Ryan wasnt allowed to go with me so I was alone with the nurses and the guy who would shoot up my back.
I started shaking really really bad. I knew I couldnt be shaking if they were going to put a needle in my spine. I said a quick prayer for help. The nurse held me and helped me breath. Four numbing shots came and went. I felt another set of arms around me and a voice tell me its ok sweetie, almost done last one. I looked up once it was done and it was Dr. Wilkes. I had a huge drip of snot coming down that he wiped for me and then told me it will be ok. The next 10 mins went by really fast. I couldnt feel a thing. Dr. Wilkes comes up to me and tells me all done. Then puts his hands on my shoulder and tells me,
I am SO glad that I followed my gut and was proactive to do this! Your cervix is already soft on the right and is in the beginning stages on the left. You would have had a baby early and it might not of been viable. I am so glad that we did this! You are going to be just fine and we did it before anything is a threat. I cry as he walks away to tell Ryan everything went well and the news he found. The blow up the bed and wisk me onto the bed again and roll me back to the room. Ryan greets me with a big hug and he looks so relieved. He really liked Dr. Wilkes and appreciated him telling him how things went. I feel really good. My right leg started to come to and I was ready to drink right away. They brought me a drink and downed it. I wanted food next. They were suppose to bring me a GF item but it so was not. I only ate the brocolli and potato. It took forever for them to finally get around to release me.
I had to pee before I could go! I couldnt GO!!!!!! I drank so much and yet nothing. The nurse brought me a big jug of warm water and chugged it. She told me to push the red button when I had peed. So I went to the bathroom faced foward on the toilet since that always helps me and peed a TON!!! YES!!! Now we can go! I pushed the RED button in the bathroom like she said.
ALL THE SUDDEN 5 nurses come barging into the room and into the BATHROOM. IS EVERYTHING OK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT. Meanwhile I am facing forward with my butt to the world and say I PEED!!!! They are all breathing heavy and they tell me that is the emergency button! I feel horrible! I was suppose to push the one on the bed. They tell me good job and then leave. I felt horrible.
Finally at 9:15 we get out of there and I am about to pass out from not enough food or protein in my system. We get home and I pass out on the couch while Ryan makes me eggs and toast.
The next few days I stay on bed rest. I have the worst headache but other than that feel fine. I had no contactions, bleeding, or cramping. The babies heart rate stayed at 154 the entire time. It was such a blessing. I am hoping to be up and moving tomorrow. I need to be! I have a busy week at work. I see myself for the first time in 3 days! I am a little scary but try to smile and make the most of it!
The past few days have been a whirl wind! I am so thankful for the outcome that everything is ok. I see the doctor again on the 20th of June for a follow up. I will be anxious to see him, the baby, and how things look concerning the cervix.
I have no doubt that I was meant to see this doctor and for him to want to see me so regularly. I gasped to think if I had just gone to a normal OB. I would not have had that extra eye on me and this situation that has occurred would of been VERY different and A LOT worse.
I know that things dont or didnt go easy for me to get to this part but I cant deny that we have been taken care of or watched over. I know it sucks to have gone through yet another scary thing but I think about the alternative and the thought makes me sick. I am thankful that I had this done and am being watched over.
Thank you to everyone for being with me through this journey! I cant believe that I am writing a BLOG POST about being PREGNANT!!! It is so crazy!!!! What a journey it has been! I know it is far from over since I am only 15 weeks but man it's been a ride!!!!
I love you all so much and feel thankful to know you!!! Again, thank you for the support over the years it has been what has kept me going and gotten me to NEVER give up and CONTINUE on with FAITH that this was meant to be!
So much has occurred in the past 4 months. So much emotion, love, and changes. I have everything written down in my mind of each step by step but I have been bad and have not written it down. How could I have let this much time go by with out writing it down? I think a little of it is because if I wrote it down then something would happen and then it wouldn't be true any more. I NEVER truly realized how guarded I have been till it all came together. I ALWAYS thought that I would view things, feel things, and do things so much different than what has actually occurred. I was hard on myself about it at first but in reality how could I not be like this? It is only natural, right? I am hoping to push forward and begin to enjoy this process before it too goes by so quickly and another 4 months passes by like nothing!
I am going to try to write this step by step so that I dont miss anything. It is going to be LONG so you can stop now or continue. I will understand! ;)
Friday FEBRUARY 15 th 2013
Today marked the first day of the dreaded shots again for IVF. My whole outlook of this process was so different than in December. I was just really going through the motions of it all. I didnt really document, take pictures, or put any HEART into it. I was really numb. In fact this time around pretty much NO ONE knew we were doing it again. I had led on to everyone that it would probably be in May. I wanted no attention or eyes on me this time for the fear if it didnt work again I didnt have to deal with the disappointing phone calls I would have to make. I put a lot of pressure on myself last time and I thought for sure it would work! This time I was way more cautious and way more unsure.
Friday FEBRUARY 22nd
I had a follow up ultrasound with the doctor. Dr. Sher was out of town so I had to do it with the other doctor. I was suppose to have started my period and almost be done but it hadnt started yet. I went in to the ultrasound and he tells me I have a large cyst on the left ovary and needed to come back in on the 26th to see if it had gone down. If it doesnt go down or away then the planned cycle for March is a BUST! I felt two emotions. GREAT, just another thing to go wrong and how are we suppose to do this and then MAYBE Im not suppose to do the cycle because I am going to get pregnant on my own! Of course I wanted the 2nd one to be true.
Tuesday FEBRUARY 26th
I walk in and the doctor comes back in and starts to check me. He says hmmm you have some cysts. DUH thats why I am here!! The nurse taps his shoulder and reminds him that I am here for a follow up to see if the cyst has gone down so that tomorrow I can start the heavy drugs to prepare for egg retrival next week. He was like Oh yeah! He then tells me the cyst is still there but has gone down a little and then says dont worry about it and go forward with the cycle. I left really uneasy and so wished Dr. Sher was there to see me. I didnt trust this guy and didnt want to do a cycle that would end a BUST because this doctor is incompetent and didnt know what he was talking about. I quickly email doctor Sher and he assures me if the cyst had gone down I will be ok to start.
Wednesday FEBRUARY 27th
I start the heave belly shots to develop the eggs. This time I am on the LOWEST dose you can go on. Dr. Sher hoping that my eggs will grow so much slower and have a better turn out than last time. I dread every morning and night to do these shots. My prayers that it isnt in vain but I have very little expectations.
Monday MARCH 4th
First day of cycle- Which means I had to go in and have an ultrasound to see where my eggs are and if they are behaving themselves this time unlike last cycle. Dr. Sher comes in of course as nervous as I am to see the results. He finsihes counting and measuring and gives me a hug and says MUCH MUCH MUCH better! I need to come see him tomorrow.
Tuesday March 5th
I go in again for another ultrasound and he tells me that he is so pleased and the eggs look SO much better and I will do the HCG trigger shot on Wed and come in on Friday for the Egg Retrieval. He gives me a hug and a kiss on my forehead and tells me good job and he is so pleased! I leave relieved that things are better and he is happier than last time. My heart still dreads what is coming on Friday and cant believe that I have to be put under again and do this whole thing all over again.
Friday March 8th
Egg retrieval day! The day I dread with all my heart!!! I was more nervous this time around because I knew what to expect. How wrong is that? It should be easier!!! This time I didnt do anything extra. Last time I payed money to do two rounds of accupuncture. This time I was like- NOPE- if it is going to happen it will happen. No more extra money or effort. I cant do it! The same sweet darling anesthesiologist was there like last time. She hugged me and wished me the best! Then I was woken up in the recovery room. Dr. Sher came in to give me a big hug and to tell me how happy he was with the 10 eggs he got! He said they look wonderful and he is so pleased! Now it is a WAITING GAME!
As we leave the office the staff hands me back my check for the anesthesiologist. She gave it back. Dr. Sher had told her if he was doing this procedure for free for us she too needs to do this for free. I got so teary eyed and choked up as I thanked the staff. Such wonderful people taking care of Ryan and I through this whole process. There are still good people in this world. Such a blessing for us!
SATURDAY March 9th
I get the call from the office to tell me that 9 of the 10 eggs fertilized. Now the eggs are left alone for 2 days and then they call me again to tell me how many have progressed to the next stage. This part is the hard part. Last time each phone call got more and more depressing. I just tried to not think about things and go on my day to day stuff. If things went well then they did. If not I was not going to do this process again.
Monday March 11th
I got a call telling me that 7 of the 9 eggs had made it to the next step and to plan on implantation on the 13th of March for 11 check in and 12 implantation. I was glad with the numbers but was still not overly excited. I had been here before and then the ending was not that great. She told me on the phone she would call me Wed to tell me what was happening.
Wednesday March 13th
I await that morning for the call. 9 comes, 9:30, 10, and 10:30 come and go with no phone call. I finally get the courage to call. They tell me they are expecting me and wouldnt call unless something was bad! I had the impression something must have been bad since I hadnt heard from them but it was wrong! I ran to put things together and Ryan and I hurry. I have no idea how many eggs made it or what stage they are in. We arrived and go back to the room. The nurse shows me my egg and tells me congrats you have a GRADE 1 egg! the best you can have to implant. I start to cry! I have the best egg possible this time!!! The other nurse and Dr. Sher come in lots of tears and hugs as they tell me not only do I have this egg that is GRADE 1 but we have 6 more that are being frozen that are GRADE 1 as well. The staff in the lab were bragging on well my cycle did and how they have never had so many GRADE 1's before in one cycle! It was pretty amazing.
They bring the egg in and do the process of putting it in. I am not scared since last time it didnt hurt so I know what to expect. He places the egg in and we watch for the white grain of rice. The lab guy goes back to check the catheter and yells nope, still here! I was so confused. Dr. Sher tells me sometimes the egg is stubborn and doesnt want to leave and stays in the catheter so they double check. The nurse laughs and says, Its a BOY! Every time this happens it ends up being a boy! They are stuborn! It will be interesting to see if that is true. They have to do it all over again and the 2nd time it works. I was worried that it would damage the egg but they said nope everything is fine. It happens. I lay there with Ryan next to me for the next hour. I am not excited as I was last time. I am numb. I dont talk to it, I dont really do anything. I just laid there like well, I hope it works but I wont be surprised if it doesnt...................
THURSDAY,FRIDAY, SATURDAY MARCH 14,15,16,17
I have off. I did lay around on Thursday but after that I didnt care. Last time I didnt move! I did all these things that everyone says to do. This time I didnt care. I pretty much told Heavenly Father I am not going above and beyond this time. If it happens then it happens if not I wouldnt be surprised.
Thursday March 21st
D-DAY- I had to get up that morning and go take get my blood drawn. I told myself that I wouldnt take a test but I thought, I would rather know and deal with the emotion than not know and have to hear from the phone. So I did it. I peed on a stick believing 100% that it would be negative.
To my surprise a bright red line showed up next to the test result line. I doubled take-----------what? No! I took another one. Same thing. Well, I know it worked thus far but been here its not anytime to get happy! At least I know the first blood test should be positive. I know I wont hear from them till after the 2nd one so I dont think about it.
Friday March 22nd
I take another test for the fun of it! The bright red line for the positive pregnancy test shows up before the result line! UMMMMMM....................pretty sure that is a good thing! Maybe this is for real!?! I had bought the digital test as well. I thought if that comes up pregnant than it is a really good sign.
You have to have high levels for that! Sure enough PREGNANT in big black letters!!!! I look at it over and over again. I have never gotten a digital one to work! My levels have to be strong. Is this happening?
An hour later Dr. Sher calls me. He tells me he is too excited to wait for the 2nd blood test. He tells me he normally doesnt call till the 2nd beta but my levels are 300 and a normal blood test result is 60! He tells me I am going to have a baby and that it worked and that there is a HIGH possibility of twins! We both cry over the phone! This is really happening. He tells me that we will wait for the 2nd beta but he has no doubt this is a good thing! He tells me I am going to be a MOM!!!
I keep driving to my visit in tears and still in shock! What? Really this is real? Oh my goodness.
I get home and put the Washington Huskies gear I have been carrying around with me since 2007 to give to Ryan to tell him and put them in a box with the pee sticks. We go to dinner to do our Valentines dinner since I was sick the last time and we hadnt done it.
I give him the box and he opens it up in shock. Really? I tell him Dr. Sher called and that it looks really good. Ryan is excited but wants to wait to see how the 2nd beta is. I felt the same.
Monday March 25th
2nd blood test. I wait all day and no call from the office. I went in at 7 in the morning and no call. Dr. Sher calls at 6:30 and I tell him nobody called. He is in shock. He calls the Quest and they tell him it wasnt stat so they wont have the results till tomorrow. I was totally bummed but relieved at the same time for I thought something was wrong.
Tuesday March 26th
I get the phone call from the doctors office with the 2nd beta numbers of 1590!!!!! Congratulations Karmann you are going to be a mom!!! The levels are really high and really good for the 2nd beta. you have a strong little bean or beans inside! Tears of joy stream down my face and I am in shock. The worry of what if still lingers in the back of my mind. We are still only 4 weeks 5 weeks on Friday and a long ways to go. I still am hesitant.
Wednesday March 27th
Infusion Time!!!! This is what is going to keep me pregnant!!! I hate this so much but I have no choice! Every 2 weeks till September 9th I have to have this IV and pump me with this milk like substance. I keep telling myself that it is what is best!!
Friday March 29th
We head to California for Easter. I had wanted to wait awhile before telling people. I was still so unsure. Ryan tells me he called his mom and told her. I was really sad. I had been working on a gift to tell her when the time had finally happened for sometime. I had been working on it since 2006 waiting for that time to finally come. I had done it for both moms. I then felt bad for being sad because he had every right to tell his family and I knew it was because he was excited. With his mom knowing I knew we needed to tell his siblings so I let in on my sister in laws the news. Everyone was in shock as no one knew we were doing the cycle so it was a surprise and it was fun to see everyone excitement.
Sunday March 31st
Happy Easter Sunday. I let my parents and brother know by uploading the video of the test turning pregnant and shared in the WHAT? with them and the excitement for they didnt know we had done the cycle either. It wasnt how I had in visioned I would tell them but it was ok. They were super excited and happy.
April 5th
6 WEEKS!!!
I made it to 6 weeks! A huge milestone with my PREGNANCY. I had never made it to this point without miscarrying or starting to miscarry. I felt relieved that the INFUSIONS were working and so far so good with things. It still wasnt real for me yet though. I kept looking at the tests for assurance but nothing would be real until I saw the baby on the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat.
April 6th-14th
I went on with life waiting for the ultrasound to confirm heartbeat and to see the baby for the first time. I wasnt really tired or feeling very much different than when I felt not pregnant. The big difference I noticed was I was having to pee a TON!!! I would have to go to the bathroom every 20 mins and a ton during the night. I had to eat every 2 hours of I felt kind of yucky but that was kind of normal for me. My boobs didn't hurt and no changes there. It made me kind of nervous. We get a call that I need to do a heavy blood work up. It ends up being 18 viles of blood!!!
I get the news I was so dreading!!! I am positive for the Blood Clotting disorder and I have to start the Lovenox shots in the belly for rest of the pregnancy up t 6 weeks postpartum. I am so sad but what can I do?
Monday April 15th
ULTRASOUND day! I cant even begin to explain how nervous I was. I kept having these nightmares that there would be no baby and no heartbeat and it was all a HA HA HA jokes on me. I wanted to vomit. Dr. Sher came in and asked me all these questions. Do you boobs hurt? NO, Are you tired? NO, Are you nausated? No! His look on his face made me even more scared! Are you peeing a lot?, YES! The only yes but it still didnt help wash away the worry on his face. He took the prob and stuck inside of me. He quickly did a look and pulled it out and said ok GREAT! I will be right back.
He then comes in with his media lady and asks if we would be willing to have her tape our ultrasound. We both said sure! She then begins taping as he starts the process over again showing me my perfect healthy baby with a heart beat of 157. I was crying, he was crying, everyone in the room was in tears. This was a HUGE MILESTONE for me for I had NEVER gotten to this point! He tells me the likely hood of miscarriage now is very slim and to not worry. He asks if he can use our story and ultrasound and we tell him sure. He then asks me to come and speak at his seminar next week and tell my story. Of course I said! How could I not after all he has done for us! He prints off the pictures of our little bean and gives them to me. Is this for real? Is this mine?
I am mad at myself for not believing it! I just witnessed on the screen my baby and the heartbeat!!!! Why was I still in denial!!! Why was I still questioning that it was real? Why did I still doubt and feel ok things are fine today but tomorrow it might not be true! I was so sad at myself! I was so sad that I couldnt bond or get excited about what I saw or felt today. What was wrong with me!!!! I had not imagined myself this way! I always figured I would bond so fast as soon as I got the positive pregnancy test and ESPECIALLY once I saw the baby on the ultrasound but I found myself disconnected and doubting. I cried a lot that afternoon. More of just of why was I having such a hard time believing it was true! Praying for help to be ok with things and know that it was happening and that everything is going to be ok.
I come home and get on facebook. UMMMM............that is a picture of Ryan and its a video! Dr. Sher had posted our video of the ultrasound on his facebook page and we already had over 40 likes and 20 comments. I sit and watch it! Tears run down my face. I watch it again and again and again. Trying to make it real for me! That is me and that is my baby!
I put the picture of the ultrasound in a frame and kiss it! This is mine this is mine. Its going to take time but its ok.
Tuesday April 16th
I get a call from FOX 5 Las Vegas News wanting to do a story on Ryan and I and wanting to do it this afternoon. I tell her there is no way with my work that we can do it today. She then states ok, how about tomorrow at your house at 4:30. I feel obligated to say yes so I do. Ryan and I both were very hesitant about the whole thing. I mean I was only 7 weeks a long and not really ready to tell the world yet. It was still so early for us. But I also felt the need to share our story. About 6 months prior I remember feeling that I would share our story publically and remember promising Heavenly Father if he allowed a miracle to happen I would share our story and try to testify of our faith and be that example he would want me to be. I felt that doing this would be an unselfish thing. I prayed really hard that things would go ok.
Wednesday April 17th
I had the WORST day of work possible!!!! Get home at 4:15 and of course FOX 5 is already there and ready for me! UGHHH!!! I barely have time to pee before they are knocking on the door. I rush to pull myself together and the interview starts. They take a long time with us. They interview me and then Ryan. I cant imagine that it will be longer than 45 secs! They sure took a lot of video for that. She tells us she wanted to air it tomorrow but changed her mind and would wait till the middle of May. I told her with a sign of relieve that we appreciate that since we hadnt really told anyone and were not ready for the world to know just yet. She told me she would let me know when they would air it and thanked us so much for sharing our story.
Friday April 19th
8 WEEKS!!!! Oh my goodness!!! Im two months!!! I am feeling great! Still no pregnancy symptoms. I started thinking that they should start to kick in now and will be with me till the 12th week. Everyone kept telling me it would come. So I got myself prepared for the worst as I reached the 2 month mark!
Friday May 3rd
10 WEEKS!!! Oh my goodness!!!! Only 2 more weeks till I will be headed into the 2nd trimester!!!! I am still waiting for those pregnancy symptoms to come. In fact it worries me a TON that I dont have them!!!! I wanted them so that I felt that everything was moving along right. I wanted them to know that my hormones were working and that the baby was ok. It made me so NERVOUS and I couldnt wait till the next ultrasound to reasure me that there was indeed still a baby and things were ok. I wouldnt have that reasurance though till Tuesday May 14th.
Tuesday May 7th
I get a call from FOX 5 that they are going to air the interview tonight!!!!!! I was a little in shock. I wasnt ready for the world to know just yet. We werent 11 weeks yet. I wanted to wait till the 2nd trimester before we let everyone in on things. I didnt have a choice though. It was going to air that night at 10. Ryan and Both just figured no one would see it, I mean who watches the news anyways!!!! We were wrong! Lots of people watch the news and lots of people saw it. People were really good about not posting it to my facebook wall and only emailing, texting, or calling. The interview was done so well. Both Ryan and I were happy with it. I was still scared to let the world know. If people saw it they saw it but I wasnt ready to post it officially to the social world. Everyone's response that did see it was so sweet and very comforting. We have had so many wonderful people supporting us through this process and it was amazing to see the out pour of love.
Here is the link if you would like to watch the news interview they did on us. Click on the video part when it opens
Fertility issues plague Las Vegas couple - FOX5 Vegas - KVVU
Monday May 14th
Its time to see the baby again! Its time to make sure that things are going well. I am more nervous this time than before. I still hadnt really had any pregnancy symptoms and I am nervous that baby is not there anymore or at least not alive. Dr. Sher is not worried this time and has the media lady all ready to go to video the ultrasound as he puts the prob in and sees my BABY which looks more like a baby than a little bean. We see its hands and feet and legs kicking and moving all around. I start to cry again as I am looking at something that seems so surreal! I again have to tell myself I must be one of those girls who is lucky and doesnt have many symptoms and tell myself everything is going to be ok.
Dr. Sher gives me a hug once it is all done and says that I am released from him and not to worry and just get a regular OB. I am a little taken back. With everything that I read about the Blood Clotting disorder and having to be on Lovenox that I should be followed by a high risk doctor. I ask him again and he says, nope you should be fine. I leave still unsure about that. I dont feel that it is a good idea and that I should find an OB that is both a regular one and a high risk doctor. I need to get on it too since this Friday marks 12 weeks.
Friday May 17th
12 WEEKS!!!!
I am headed into my 2nd TRIMESTER! Say WHAT? How is this possible? How has it already been 3 months!!!!! I am shocked and overwhelmed that it is true!!! I get the courage to call a doctor that is both an OB and high risk doctor in one. I only wanted to deal with one person and have the doctor who is working with me delivery me. A bunch of people recommended doctors. I spent quite a few days pondering on who I should go with. I was on a walk with Haydeez early in the morning and felt the need to go with Dr. Wilkes. I called him and he wanted to see me right away. I got an appointment with him on Tuesday May 21st at 11.
Tuesday May 21st
I go and meet with Dr. Wilkes. He is a great guy. He tells me that he is going to watch me very carefully and wants to see me every 2 weeks to check on the baby, check my cervix, and to make sure I am feeling ok. He gave me his cell phone number and told me to call him whenever! He told me if I was nervous in between visits and wanted to see the baby then to call him. He didnt want me worrying. I ask him all about the concerns I had with the Blood Clotting disorder and he assures me he will watch me carefully and as we get closer to the due date will decide what is best for the baby and me. I leave feeling really good and cared for. I trust him. It was a hard adjustment to leave Dr. Sher. I was treated like a PRINCESS and wanted nothing less than that from my next doctor. With all my worries and concerns I needed a doctor who wanted to be overly cautious and take me as a high risk case. He told me I would never see any other doctor and he would be the only one who dealt with me. It was very comforting and I walked out of the office feeling very thankful for following the feelings I had with choosing him.
Friday May 24th 2013
Happy 10 years to Ryan and I and happy 13 weeks. I get the courage to post to the social world that we are expecting! I post the first ultrasound video to facebook and let the world know we are PREGNANT. I am overwhelmed and humbled by the out pour of love and support as my phone dings non stop all day with everyone's excitement and thanksgiving for the news. I was in tears most of the day. Tears of a thankful heart for so many wonderful people in my life. Ryan and I had a great afternoon together. We hadnt planned on doing anything since we were going to go to Florida but then that trip was cancelled and then we also had plans to go to Utah the following weekend for a wedding and didnt want to spend too much money. We went to eat at our favorite buffet and then went to the Stratosphere to go up to the top and reminisce our honeymoon. Ryan came walking out of the bathroom telling me they had a deal on Hotwire and wondered if I wanted to take it. I was feeling spontaneous so we went to the front desk and scored a killer deal for our special night. We went to the top and talked about 10 years ago.
Crazy how much time had gone by and all the things we were able to accomplish. The next day we spent at the pool and just relaxed. It was just perfect!
Tuesday June 4th
Time to see the doctor again for my 2 weeks check up! I am feeling really good. I am due for a pelvic ultrasound and a pap smear which I am not looking forward to but I get to see my baby so Im not complaining. Doctor Wilkes comes in and gives me a hug. He says that he is really looking at baby today and my cervix. I say ok. He goes to do the routine Pap Smear and asks me with a worried voice," Have you ever had an irregular pap smear?" I tell him no. He then says ok well I am not going to do it today. I am not going to touch your cervix. He then goes right to the pelvic ultrasound and quickly checks the baby. Which he tells me that the baby is moving ALL over the place and cant keep a hold on it. He then smiles and checks the heart rate. A steady 154 and everything sounds good. He then goes to the cervix takes a few pictures pulls the prob out and then sits me up. He says we have to talk. My heart drops! I knew something was wrong by his tone with not wanting to do a pap smear. He shows me my cervix on the screen and tells me that it is closed up top but then shows me how it opens as it gets closer to the baby. He says to me that normally he would just monitor a cervix like this to see what happens but with me its a different story. He tells me that he feels and what his gut is telling him is that he needs to do a cerclage. He then asks me what I am doing tomorrow. I tell him work. He then says well tomorrow you are not working. You are going to Summerlin Hospital and you will have the rest of the week off. I start to cry. This isnt happening. He then goes over the procedure and then I start to turn pale and cry more. I have to have a WHAT? Yes, an epidural. He tells me he is quick and it will be fine. He gives me a hug and tells me that he doesnt want me to lose a baby and he wants to be proactive. He tells me he doesnt know what my cervix will do but he doesnt want to take the chance. He says, I will see you tomorrow and all will be well. I get dressed holding it together.
Why cant ANYTHING be easy!!! Why do I always have to have hard things happen to me. It didnt seem fair!!! I call Ryan and of course he feels the same way. We both are scared and worried and trying to deal with it all. I am terrified of an epidural and shots!! I am so scared and felt so overwhelmed. I got to talk to a few who had one already and it sure helped calm me.
Wed. June 5, 2013
My time to arrive at the hospital was 1:00 for a 3:00 surgery. I was a mess. I was full of emotions and was Ryan and we werent helping each other. We get to the hospital and we sit in the empty room where most woman come to after they have had their baby or have their baby. I was sitting there staring at the bed, machines, baby holder ect realizing I did not expect to be in this room till I would be delivering and how uneasy I felt being there at that time.
I started shaking really really bad. I knew I couldnt be shaking if they were going to put a needle in my spine. I said a quick prayer for help. The nurse held me and helped me breath. Four numbing shots came and went. I felt another set of arms around me and a voice tell me its ok sweetie, almost done last one. I looked up once it was done and it was Dr. Wilkes. I had a huge drip of snot coming down that he wiped for me and then told me it will be ok. The next 10 mins went by really fast. I couldnt feel a thing. Dr. Wilkes comes up to me and tells me all done. Then puts his hands on my shoulder and tells me,
I am SO glad that I followed my gut and was proactive to do this! Your cervix is already soft on the right and is in the beginning stages on the left. You would have had a baby early and it might not of been viable. I am so glad that we did this! You are going to be just fine and we did it before anything is a threat. I cry as he walks away to tell Ryan everything went well and the news he found. The blow up the bed and wisk me onto the bed again and roll me back to the room. Ryan greets me with a big hug and he looks so relieved. He really liked Dr. Wilkes and appreciated him telling him how things went. I feel really good. My right leg started to come to and I was ready to drink right away. They brought me a drink and downed it. I wanted food next. They were suppose to bring me a GF item but it so was not. I only ate the brocolli and potato. It took forever for them to finally get around to release me.
I had to pee before I could go! I couldnt GO!!!!!! I drank so much and yet nothing. The nurse brought me a big jug of warm water and chugged it. She told me to push the red button when I had peed. So I went to the bathroom faced foward on the toilet since that always helps me and peed a TON!!! YES!!! Now we can go! I pushed the RED button in the bathroom like she said.
ALL THE SUDDEN 5 nurses come barging into the room and into the BATHROOM. IS EVERYTHING OK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT. Meanwhile I am facing forward with my butt to the world and say I PEED!!!! They are all breathing heavy and they tell me that is the emergency button! I feel horrible! I was suppose to push the one on the bed. They tell me good job and then leave. I felt horrible.
Finally at 9:15 we get out of there and I am about to pass out from not enough food or protein in my system. We get home and I pass out on the couch while Ryan makes me eggs and toast.
The next few days I stay on bed rest. I have the worst headache but other than that feel fine. I had no contactions, bleeding, or cramping. The babies heart rate stayed at 154 the entire time. It was such a blessing. I am hoping to be up and moving tomorrow. I need to be! I have a busy week at work. I see myself for the first time in 3 days! I am a little scary but try to smile and make the most of it!
The past few days have been a whirl wind! I am so thankful for the outcome that everything is ok. I see the doctor again on the 20th of June for a follow up. I will be anxious to see him, the baby, and how things look concerning the cervix.
I have no doubt that I was meant to see this doctor and for him to want to see me so regularly. I gasped to think if I had just gone to a normal OB. I would not have had that extra eye on me and this situation that has occurred would of been VERY different and A LOT worse.
I know that things dont or didnt go easy for me to get to this part but I cant deny that we have been taken care of or watched over. I know it sucks to have gone through yet another scary thing but I think about the alternative and the thought makes me sick. I am thankful that I had this done and am being watched over.
Thank you to everyone for being with me through this journey! I cant believe that I am writing a BLOG POST about being PREGNANT!!! It is so crazy!!!! What a journey it has been! I know it is far from over since I am only 15 weeks but man it's been a ride!!!!
I love you all so much and feel thankful to know you!!! Again, thank you for the support over the years it has been what has kept me going and gotten me to NEVER give up and CONTINUE on with FAITH that this was meant to be!
BABY WENNERLIND
DUE NOVEMBER 29th 2013
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