REFLECTING with WRITING a TALK
Ryan and I got asked to speak in Church a couple of weeks ago and I spent A LOT of time trying to prepare what I was suppose to talk on. I had the topic of choose one of the principles of the gospel.
I went back and forth on Faith or Holy Ghost and then after talking with a friend felt the impression that it needed to be the Holy Ghost.
I sat and ended up writing my talk over four times! I would write the thoughts and impressions I had but then would erase it because I was feeling like- NO! I dont want to tell my story in front of the whole Sacrameeting and felt imbarressed!!!
I wrote it out for the fourth time and then left to visit a DEAR friend for the afternoon. I sat and talked with her and OF course cried! For some reason when we get together that is what we do! Our spirits are so close with one another and it happens!
I tell her my dilemma of my talk and she gives me the best encouragement and gives me the words that I needed to hear and had prayed to hear to be able to share what I had felt with the ward the next day.
For those of you who are not morman who are reading this. Every Sunday we have people from the congregation give talks on certain subjects. We are assigned a topic and then we are to expand on it and "teach" the congregation. My friend was just what I needed and I went home with a feeling of I need to follow what I am feeling and trust that it is what I am suppose to do.
I thought I would share my talk with you.
If you dont want to read it that is ok. Just skip and wait for my next blog post. This talk is a reflection of my ride the past 6 years and what the Holy Ghost can really do for your life if you seek him.
Here it is:
The past week I have been praying and going over the topic that brother Jacobson had given me. I have had lots of different thoughts and feelings to share. I pray that the spirit will be here with me and the words that I have prepared will be of some support or guidance to you.
The fourth article of Faith reads: We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: First, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, Second, Repentance, Third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins, Fourth, laying on of hands for the Gift of the Holy Ghost.
In January Ryan and I were able to go to Pullman and be apart of Ryan’s cousins little boys baptism. Ryan got the opportunity to place his hands on his head and set him apart to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. I was overcome by the spirit as I listened to the promises that were given to Wyatt. He was promised that if he would keep the commandments he would always have the blessing of the Holy Ghost to be with him. Being 8 years old it is really hard to grasp that concept to the fullest. We are taught starting in Primary the ways we can feel the Holy Ghost and the ways he can help us BUT it is only through our experiences in life do we really begin to understand and appreciate what an amazing gift and blessing the Holy Ghost truly is.
In D&C 121:26 it reads: God shall give unto you knowledge by his Holy spirit yea, by the unspeakable gift of the holy ghost and In Moroni 10 :5 it reads: “And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.”
I remember the first time I felt the Holy Ghost. My family had just recently moved to Chicago from Denver Co and we took the first trip of many to Nauvoo. I will never forget sitting in Carthage Jail and listening to the tape tell the story of the last few hours of the prophet Joseph Smith’s life and then hear the mob come and how they take his life. I remember crying and when the story was done leaning over to my mom and asking her what was it I was feeling. Why am I crying and why do I feel on fire. I remember the smile that came across my mother’s face as she told me, It is the Holy Ghost telling you of the truth that you just heard. I remember not wanting that feeling to leave me. It was my first experience of many more of the Holy Ghost testifying of the truth of things to me.
In first Nephi chapter 10 verses 17-19 it reads:
Nephi teaches us that it is a GIFT of God unto ALL that diligently seek him and those that do the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them by the power of the Holy Ghost.
The key words in this scripture are SEEK and DILIGENTLY. What does it mean to SEEK and do it DILIGENTLY?
The dictionary tells us SEEK means to:
To try to locate or discover; search for.
2. To endeavor to obtain or reach: seek a college education.
3. To go to or toward: Water seeks its own level.
4. To inquire for; request: seek directions from a police officer.
5. To try; endeavor: seek to do good.
6. Obsolete To explore.
And diligently in the dictionary is stated:
persevering, painstaking effort
We need to discover, inquire, endeavor to obtain HOW the spirit talks to us and with a persevering and painstaking effort.
When we do this then we gain knowledge by learning how the Holy Ghost speaks to us and then the blessing of the MYSTERIES of GOD are and will be unfolded unto us.
In my patriatrical blessing there is a part that states for me to continue to further my education both secular and spiritual. My spiritual knowledge will unfold unto me the mysteries of the Kingdom of God.
Through college and even through the past 7 years of marriage I have wondered what that council truly meant for me. What does the Mysteries of God mean? Little did I know that the experiences I have gone through in the past few years were beginning to show that to me.
The past five years I have really learned to seek the Holy Ghost and do it diligently. I have learned that it takes courage to follow the spirit and lots of faith. The past 6 years Ryan and I have been trying to have a family. We have been able to get pregnant but every time at 5 weeks I would miscarry. As I endured each loss I sought after the spirit for comfort and guidance on what I needed to do. I had been given blessings of promises that if I would listen to the promptings of the spirit those promptings would help me to carry the babies. I started to go to the temple weekly, read my scriptures every morning and tried to surround myself in atompsphers that would allow the spirit to be with me. I began praying to be able to know how the Holy Ghost speaks to me and for the ability to hear when those promptings came.
The first one came when I went with a friend to pick up some engery drinks at a Chiropractor office. I felt so strongly that I needed to make an appointment with him. I hate my knuckles to be cracked so the thought of someone messing with my whole body brought great fear and discomfort to me. I couldn’t deny the feelings and made an appointment even though I was scared. He did xrays on my back and I discovered that I had verterbras on the left side that were smashed into one another. These vertebras are the ones that are directly correlated to the reproductive system, I had scolosis, and sherman’s diesease. The chiropractor was so excited to help me and to straighten out my back and he thought for sure that this would be it. He worked on me and helped correct my back as much as he could. I will forever have to have maintance to keep it aligned but I thought, here it is! I found my answer. This is the cure. To my disappointment I miscarried again. As I sought the comfort of the spirit I felt that I had found a piece of my puzzle but that there was more.
My doctor ordered more blood work to be done. I had tons of blood work done. Tests that had been done with previous doctors in other states and the answer was always, your levels are within normal limits. My doctor in Arizona had a certain test done and the first time in over 3 years of blood work I had something that wasn’t normal. I found out that my body doesn’t process Folate or folic acid. I then realize what a blessing it was that I hadn’t carried a baby yet to full term. Folic acid is so crucial to the development of the baby in the first few weeks of life. That’s why I miscarry so early. I remember thinking this is it! I get on the special predigested folate and everything will be great.
I get pregnant with number 5 and lose the baby yet again. I am told by my regular doctor I need to see a specialist they have done all that they could for me. I didn’t want to see a fertility specialist. Why did this have to be so hard for me! I remember crying and thinking I don’t need to see a specialist it will work itself out. I remember feeling that was not what I was suppose to do but my pride took over. After having 2 more miscarriages I decided that I needed to see a doctor. Fertility specialists are expensive. I said a prayer to find a doctor to help me and one that would help with insurance. I called one that was on the list from my doctor and they said they would code my tests as much as they could for the insurance to pay and that they had a cancelation and could see me the following week. I was on fire and I knew that we were on the right track.
The specialist order so many different tests that were uncomfortable and more blood work. The results of course were normal. She pushed us to do the cheaper of the fertility treatments. I just knew that this was it. I finally listened and gone to the specialist and she was going to make it work. I get pregnant and yet again lose another baby. We meet with her and she tells us that I need to have exploratory surgery. I didn’t want to do that but if it would give answers then ok. My insurance red flags my name and would not cover it.
I pray and pray why? How can I go further to know what I am suppose to do if I cant do this. We go and meet with the doctor and she says well the only other option is to go ahead and do the more expensive treatment. How do you want to pay for it. Ryan got up and said we are done and we never went back. She hadn’t fixed the problem but still wanted to go further. I cried and cried and cried. Why did I feel that I needed to see her if she didn’t help me.
That weekend was my 29th birthday. I awoke the morning of my birthday with the thoughts of. You need to stop and let it be for awhile. I remember talking back and saying No, I don’t want too, why would you take me this far and tell me to stop. Again I hear let it be for awhile and then I feel on fire. I cry it out and then let it go and went forward trusting.
A month later Ryan decides to go back to his orinigal plan of teaching and we are going to close down the company. We talk about different schools to go and get his Masters and I say right away NOT WASHINGTON, I don’t want to go there! He tells me I know. The next day was Sunday and during the sacrament I am shaking, crying, and the thoughts of you need to move to Washington flood over me. Ryan leans over to me and tells me why are you crying. I tell him, We are suppose to go to Washington. We talk after church and it is so apperiant by the spirit that we are suppose to go there. We left Arizona with no jobs and the feelings that this was the next step for us.
A few weeks before we leave we are presented with an opportunity to maybe be able adopt a little baby that would be born May of 2010. We arrived in Washington January of last year. We hurried to get our papers in with LDS services so we could be ready to adopt this little boy. The whole month of Jan and into Feb we are talking with the birth mom and she makes us feel that we are it. She calls the end of February of last year and tells me that she had picked Ryan and I but after lots of prayer she didn’t feel the baby was ours. She told us I am sorry I tell her it is ok for I know that there is a plan for each of us and I wouldn’t want to have a baby that wasn’t meant to be mine. I again seek for comfort of the spirit and understanding of why? We are so close to becoming parents but yet again the answer is not the time.
A few days later I am lead with the opportunity to try to change my diet. My whole life I have struggled with stomach problems and I decide to go gluten free. I research and find that fertility problems and gluten intolerance go hand in hand. I get excited yet again! My hope is renewed. And thoughts of, This has to be the next step that I was missing! This is it! I didn’t realize just how hard it would be to change my whole way of eating but am strengthed by the Lord. In September we move here to Auburn and I get the impressions that it is time to go back to the doctors and pursue help in finding answers to having a family. I had been gluten free for 8 months and nothing had transpired and felt that it was now time to go down that path again. The doctor listens to my story and says to me. I want to go a way that no other doctor has gone. I think you have an autoimmune disorder. I have a friend in Texas who specializes in severe autoimmune disorders and will get back to you on what tests we need to run. It looks like you have done all the regular tests that I would have had you do first in Arizona so we don’t have to do those and we can go straight to business. I left the office and the thoughts of now I know why I saw the specialist in Arizona. I needed to have the prerquestistes done before I could be ready for this doctor to help me. I begin to realize this process that I have been lead was not by accident.
Ryan and I go have specialized blood work done. Only a few places in the United States have labs to determine these results. The week of Thanksgiving we get answers. I have an autoimmune disorder. I have to many Natural Killer cells and they attack the baby each time I get pregnant. The doctor cries on the phone with me as she tells me- we did it, we found out why after so many years and so much heartache. You now know. Now lets get you the help you need to fix this problem. I am directed to talk to the doctor in Texas who is only one of a handful of doctors that can help with people with my problem and tells me of the extensive treatments of infusions and hormone therapy but tells me he will work with his friend my doctor here in Washington so I don’t have to fly back and forth to Texas to have it done.
As I await for things to go forward I feel overwhelmed with all that I am going to have to do and how we are going to go about to pay for it. While visiting Las vegas the end of January I am counseled by my bishop to be like Nephi.
He was told to go and get the brass plates. He didn’t know how he was going to get them but he was promised that if he obeyed he Lord would provide a way. I have felt so strongly I need to go forward with these treatments and I am relying on him that he will provide a way.
A few weeks ago I have been feeling that that there is more to my diet that I am allergic too. I kept feeling I needed to do blood work to see what else I could be not tolerating. A group of girls at my work have been seeing this doctor and all got the blood panel allergy testing done and it was covered by our insurance. So I went ahead and did the testing. I got my results Friday afernoon. I knew that there was a problem but I had no idea that it was something that I eat everyday and is in almost everything just like gluten. There was quite a few fruits and vegetables on my list but the biggest shock of them all is that I am allergic to eggs. I know that it is very important to be eating the foods that are healthy for the body to function to its best potential. I have seen the changes that have occurred being gluten free. I am overwhelmed yet again by the process of eliminating one of my favorite foods but heavenly father helped me figure out how to be gluten free I know that he can do the same for the eggs. My girlfriend the other day asked are you ok. I had to tell her the truth, I was so thankful to know. I am sad but I cant deny the guidance of the spirit to know and how important it must be or I wouldn’t have felt the need to find out. I felt an overwhelming sence of love and gratitude for my Heavenly Father.
A few weeks ago Ryan and I were sitting and talking over dinner. He mentioned that he thought maybe we made a mistake of coming here. Nothing has come from being here for him for work or school. I then tell him. We came here to Washington for me. I believe the impressions of him going back to school and the opportunities of different masters programs were the reason to get us here. We really came here for me to learn all that I have about my health in the past year. I was telling Ryan’s mom the thoughts we had been thinking and she then brought a new light to my whole thinking. She tells me, Karmann I think every move that you have done in the past 7 almost 8 years has been for you to get you here to this place at this time to find out what you have found out. Those words pierced my heart so much. I then began to look back over each move, each experience, each prompting, and realized she was right. Every move and what I experienced were stepping stones to get me here to this point.
I then realize what my Patriartical blessing was talking about. What we are told in the scriptures. If we seek him we shall find him and the mysteries of God will be unfolded by the gift of the Holy Ghost. I have seen the hand of God in my life. I have realized that I have a specific plan and he is the one guiding it.
In 2nd Nephi 28:30 it reads
For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more;
Elder Richard G. Scott said, those who faithfully hearken to and obediently heed the Lord's direction will learn wisdom and receive more. "When we receive help from our Father in Heaven, it is in response to faith, obedience, and the proper use of agency" (Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayers, Ensign, November 1989, p. 30).
We each have our specific and important journey here on earth. We each have our own experiences to go through to prove us worthy to return again into his presence. The past 6 years have not been easy by any means but I have learned some very important lessons. Lessons that taught me that I am a daughter of God and he does love me and is so very aware of me. I pray that whatever we are in need of that if we seek diglently what you need will be granted unto you by the gift of the Holy Ghost.
I dont think there was a dry eye in the chapel. I was overcome by the comments, letters, texts, and support that came to me after. I had prayed for others to be touched by it and not have pity on me or think I was trying to get attention and he answered my prayers.
I just thought I would share this with you- I know that a lot of it is just an overfew of my blog the past few years but it was interesting to me to place it together from then to now.
Any of you needing to know if he answers prayers he DOES- sometimes it just takes a little bit over time and not RIGHT away! But you DO get your answers if you DILLIGENTLY SEEK him!
I went back and forth on Faith or Holy Ghost and then after talking with a friend felt the impression that it needed to be the Holy Ghost.
I sat and ended up writing my talk over four times! I would write the thoughts and impressions I had but then would erase it because I was feeling like- NO! I dont want to tell my story in front of the whole Sacrameeting and felt imbarressed!!!
I wrote it out for the fourth time and then left to visit a DEAR friend for the afternoon. I sat and talked with her and OF course cried! For some reason when we get together that is what we do! Our spirits are so close with one another and it happens!
I tell her my dilemma of my talk and she gives me the best encouragement and gives me the words that I needed to hear and had prayed to hear to be able to share what I had felt with the ward the next day.
For those of you who are not morman who are reading this. Every Sunday we have people from the congregation give talks on certain subjects. We are assigned a topic and then we are to expand on it and "teach" the congregation. My friend was just what I needed and I went home with a feeling of I need to follow what I am feeling and trust that it is what I am suppose to do.
I thought I would share my talk with you.
If you dont want to read it that is ok. Just skip and wait for my next blog post. This talk is a reflection of my ride the past 6 years and what the Holy Ghost can really do for your life if you seek him.
Here it is:
The past week I have been praying and going over the topic that brother Jacobson had given me. I have had lots of different thoughts and feelings to share. I pray that the spirit will be here with me and the words that I have prepared will be of some support or guidance to you.
The fourth article of Faith reads: We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: First, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, Second, Repentance, Third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins, Fourth, laying on of hands for the Gift of the Holy Ghost.
In January Ryan and I were able to go to Pullman and be apart of Ryan’s cousins little boys baptism. Ryan got the opportunity to place his hands on his head and set him apart to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. I was overcome by the spirit as I listened to the promises that were given to Wyatt. He was promised that if he would keep the commandments he would always have the blessing of the Holy Ghost to be with him. Being 8 years old it is really hard to grasp that concept to the fullest. We are taught starting in Primary the ways we can feel the Holy Ghost and the ways he can help us BUT it is only through our experiences in life do we really begin to understand and appreciate what an amazing gift and blessing the Holy Ghost truly is.
In D&C 121:26 it reads: God shall give unto you knowledge by his Holy spirit yea, by the unspeakable gift of the holy ghost and In Moroni 10 :5 it reads: “And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.”
I remember the first time I felt the Holy Ghost. My family had just recently moved to Chicago from Denver Co and we took the first trip of many to Nauvoo. I will never forget sitting in Carthage Jail and listening to the tape tell the story of the last few hours of the prophet Joseph Smith’s life and then hear the mob come and how they take his life. I remember crying and when the story was done leaning over to my mom and asking her what was it I was feeling. Why am I crying and why do I feel on fire. I remember the smile that came across my mother’s face as she told me, It is the Holy Ghost telling you of the truth that you just heard. I remember not wanting that feeling to leave me. It was my first experience of many more of the Holy Ghost testifying of the truth of things to me.
In first Nephi chapter 10 verses 17-19 it reads:
Nephi teaches us that it is a GIFT of God unto ALL that diligently seek him and those that do the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them by the power of the Holy Ghost.
The key words in this scripture are SEEK and DILIGENTLY. What does it mean to SEEK and do it DILIGENTLY?
The dictionary tells us SEEK means to:
To try to locate or discover; search for.
2. To endeavor to obtain or reach: seek a college education.
3. To go to or toward: Water seeks its own level.
4. To inquire for; request: seek directions from a police officer.
5. To try; endeavor: seek to do good.
6. Obsolete To explore.
And diligently in the dictionary is stated:
persevering, painstaking effort
We need to discover, inquire, endeavor to obtain HOW the spirit talks to us and with a persevering and painstaking effort.
When we do this then we gain knowledge by learning how the Holy Ghost speaks to us and then the blessing of the MYSTERIES of GOD are and will be unfolded unto us.
In my patriatrical blessing there is a part that states for me to continue to further my education both secular and spiritual. My spiritual knowledge will unfold unto me the mysteries of the Kingdom of God.
Through college and even through the past 7 years of marriage I have wondered what that council truly meant for me. What does the Mysteries of God mean? Little did I know that the experiences I have gone through in the past few years were beginning to show that to me.
The past five years I have really learned to seek the Holy Ghost and do it diligently. I have learned that it takes courage to follow the spirit and lots of faith. The past 6 years Ryan and I have been trying to have a family. We have been able to get pregnant but every time at 5 weeks I would miscarry. As I endured each loss I sought after the spirit for comfort and guidance on what I needed to do. I had been given blessings of promises that if I would listen to the promptings of the spirit those promptings would help me to carry the babies. I started to go to the temple weekly, read my scriptures every morning and tried to surround myself in atompsphers that would allow the spirit to be with me. I began praying to be able to know how the Holy Ghost speaks to me and for the ability to hear when those promptings came.
The first one came when I went with a friend to pick up some engery drinks at a Chiropractor office. I felt so strongly that I needed to make an appointment with him. I hate my knuckles to be cracked so the thought of someone messing with my whole body brought great fear and discomfort to me. I couldn’t deny the feelings and made an appointment even though I was scared. He did xrays on my back and I discovered that I had verterbras on the left side that were smashed into one another. These vertebras are the ones that are directly correlated to the reproductive system, I had scolosis, and sherman’s diesease. The chiropractor was so excited to help me and to straighten out my back and he thought for sure that this would be it. He worked on me and helped correct my back as much as he could. I will forever have to have maintance to keep it aligned but I thought, here it is! I found my answer. This is the cure. To my disappointment I miscarried again. As I sought the comfort of the spirit I felt that I had found a piece of my puzzle but that there was more.
My doctor ordered more blood work to be done. I had tons of blood work done. Tests that had been done with previous doctors in other states and the answer was always, your levels are within normal limits. My doctor in Arizona had a certain test done and the first time in over 3 years of blood work I had something that wasn’t normal. I found out that my body doesn’t process Folate or folic acid. I then realize what a blessing it was that I hadn’t carried a baby yet to full term. Folic acid is so crucial to the development of the baby in the first few weeks of life. That’s why I miscarry so early. I remember thinking this is it! I get on the special predigested folate and everything will be great.
I get pregnant with number 5 and lose the baby yet again. I am told by my regular doctor I need to see a specialist they have done all that they could for me. I didn’t want to see a fertility specialist. Why did this have to be so hard for me! I remember crying and thinking I don’t need to see a specialist it will work itself out. I remember feeling that was not what I was suppose to do but my pride took over. After having 2 more miscarriages I decided that I needed to see a doctor. Fertility specialists are expensive. I said a prayer to find a doctor to help me and one that would help with insurance. I called one that was on the list from my doctor and they said they would code my tests as much as they could for the insurance to pay and that they had a cancelation and could see me the following week. I was on fire and I knew that we were on the right track.
The specialist order so many different tests that were uncomfortable and more blood work. The results of course were normal. She pushed us to do the cheaper of the fertility treatments. I just knew that this was it. I finally listened and gone to the specialist and she was going to make it work. I get pregnant and yet again lose another baby. We meet with her and she tells us that I need to have exploratory surgery. I didn’t want to do that but if it would give answers then ok. My insurance red flags my name and would not cover it.
I pray and pray why? How can I go further to know what I am suppose to do if I cant do this. We go and meet with the doctor and she says well the only other option is to go ahead and do the more expensive treatment. How do you want to pay for it. Ryan got up and said we are done and we never went back. She hadn’t fixed the problem but still wanted to go further. I cried and cried and cried. Why did I feel that I needed to see her if she didn’t help me.
That weekend was my 29th birthday. I awoke the morning of my birthday with the thoughts of. You need to stop and let it be for awhile. I remember talking back and saying No, I don’t want too, why would you take me this far and tell me to stop. Again I hear let it be for awhile and then I feel on fire. I cry it out and then let it go and went forward trusting.
A month later Ryan decides to go back to his orinigal plan of teaching and we are going to close down the company. We talk about different schools to go and get his Masters and I say right away NOT WASHINGTON, I don’t want to go there! He tells me I know. The next day was Sunday and during the sacrament I am shaking, crying, and the thoughts of you need to move to Washington flood over me. Ryan leans over to me and tells me why are you crying. I tell him, We are suppose to go to Washington. We talk after church and it is so apperiant by the spirit that we are suppose to go there. We left Arizona with no jobs and the feelings that this was the next step for us.
A few weeks before we leave we are presented with an opportunity to maybe be able adopt a little baby that would be born May of 2010. We arrived in Washington January of last year. We hurried to get our papers in with LDS services so we could be ready to adopt this little boy. The whole month of Jan and into Feb we are talking with the birth mom and she makes us feel that we are it. She calls the end of February of last year and tells me that she had picked Ryan and I but after lots of prayer she didn’t feel the baby was ours. She told us I am sorry I tell her it is ok for I know that there is a plan for each of us and I wouldn’t want to have a baby that wasn’t meant to be mine. I again seek for comfort of the spirit and understanding of why? We are so close to becoming parents but yet again the answer is not the time.
A few days later I am lead with the opportunity to try to change my diet. My whole life I have struggled with stomach problems and I decide to go gluten free. I research and find that fertility problems and gluten intolerance go hand in hand. I get excited yet again! My hope is renewed. And thoughts of, This has to be the next step that I was missing! This is it! I didn’t realize just how hard it would be to change my whole way of eating but am strengthed by the Lord. In September we move here to Auburn and I get the impressions that it is time to go back to the doctors and pursue help in finding answers to having a family. I had been gluten free for 8 months and nothing had transpired and felt that it was now time to go down that path again. The doctor listens to my story and says to me. I want to go a way that no other doctor has gone. I think you have an autoimmune disorder. I have a friend in Texas who specializes in severe autoimmune disorders and will get back to you on what tests we need to run. It looks like you have done all the regular tests that I would have had you do first in Arizona so we don’t have to do those and we can go straight to business. I left the office and the thoughts of now I know why I saw the specialist in Arizona. I needed to have the prerquestistes done before I could be ready for this doctor to help me. I begin to realize this process that I have been lead was not by accident.
Ryan and I go have specialized blood work done. Only a few places in the United States have labs to determine these results. The week of Thanksgiving we get answers. I have an autoimmune disorder. I have to many Natural Killer cells and they attack the baby each time I get pregnant. The doctor cries on the phone with me as she tells me- we did it, we found out why after so many years and so much heartache. You now know. Now lets get you the help you need to fix this problem. I am directed to talk to the doctor in Texas who is only one of a handful of doctors that can help with people with my problem and tells me of the extensive treatments of infusions and hormone therapy but tells me he will work with his friend my doctor here in Washington so I don’t have to fly back and forth to Texas to have it done.
As I await for things to go forward I feel overwhelmed with all that I am going to have to do and how we are going to go about to pay for it. While visiting Las vegas the end of January I am counseled by my bishop to be like Nephi.
He was told to go and get the brass plates. He didn’t know how he was going to get them but he was promised that if he obeyed he Lord would provide a way. I have felt so strongly I need to go forward with these treatments and I am relying on him that he will provide a way.
A few weeks ago I have been feeling that that there is more to my diet that I am allergic too. I kept feeling I needed to do blood work to see what else I could be not tolerating. A group of girls at my work have been seeing this doctor and all got the blood panel allergy testing done and it was covered by our insurance. So I went ahead and did the testing. I got my results Friday afernoon. I knew that there was a problem but I had no idea that it was something that I eat everyday and is in almost everything just like gluten. There was quite a few fruits and vegetables on my list but the biggest shock of them all is that I am allergic to eggs. I know that it is very important to be eating the foods that are healthy for the body to function to its best potential. I have seen the changes that have occurred being gluten free. I am overwhelmed yet again by the process of eliminating one of my favorite foods but heavenly father helped me figure out how to be gluten free I know that he can do the same for the eggs. My girlfriend the other day asked are you ok. I had to tell her the truth, I was so thankful to know. I am sad but I cant deny the guidance of the spirit to know and how important it must be or I wouldn’t have felt the need to find out. I felt an overwhelming sence of love and gratitude for my Heavenly Father.
A few weeks ago Ryan and I were sitting and talking over dinner. He mentioned that he thought maybe we made a mistake of coming here. Nothing has come from being here for him for work or school. I then tell him. We came here to Washington for me. I believe the impressions of him going back to school and the opportunities of different masters programs were the reason to get us here. We really came here for me to learn all that I have about my health in the past year. I was telling Ryan’s mom the thoughts we had been thinking and she then brought a new light to my whole thinking. She tells me, Karmann I think every move that you have done in the past 7 almost 8 years has been for you to get you here to this place at this time to find out what you have found out. Those words pierced my heart so much. I then began to look back over each move, each experience, each prompting, and realized she was right. Every move and what I experienced were stepping stones to get me here to this point.
I then realize what my Patriartical blessing was talking about. What we are told in the scriptures. If we seek him we shall find him and the mysteries of God will be unfolded by the gift of the Holy Ghost. I have seen the hand of God in my life. I have realized that I have a specific plan and he is the one guiding it.
In 2nd Nephi 28:30 it reads
For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more;
Elder Richard G. Scott said, those who faithfully hearken to and obediently heed the Lord's direction will learn wisdom and receive more. "When we receive help from our Father in Heaven, it is in response to faith, obedience, and the proper use of agency" (Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayers, Ensign, November 1989, p. 30).
We each have our specific and important journey here on earth. We each have our own experiences to go through to prove us worthy to return again into his presence. The past 6 years have not been easy by any means but I have learned some very important lessons. Lessons that taught me that I am a daughter of God and he does love me and is so very aware of me. I pray that whatever we are in need of that if we seek diglently what you need will be granted unto you by the gift of the Holy Ghost.
I dont think there was a dry eye in the chapel. I was overcome by the comments, letters, texts, and support that came to me after. I had prayed for others to be touched by it and not have pity on me or think I was trying to get attention and he answered my prayers.
I just thought I would share this with you- I know that a lot of it is just an overfew of my blog the past few years but it was interesting to me to place it together from then to now.
Any of you needing to know if he answers prayers he DOES- sometimes it just takes a little bit over time and not RIGHT away! But you DO get your answers if you DILLIGENTLY SEEK him!
Comments
love you so much!!!
MISS YOU!!! xoxo
I loved your talk, and I felt the spirit the whole time I was reading it. It really does take courage to share such a personal story with an audience. Your talk obviously had the desired effect as the people who heard you were touched, and I'm sure after knowing these things about you, they love you even more - as do I! I knew most of these things, but I wasn't aware of just how many miscarriages you've had. My heart aches for you. Thanks for being so strong and such a good example. I just know there are little spirits in heaven who have been held in reserve just for you! And when the time is right, you will be the best mom in the world!! Love you!!