PATIENCE

I am sorry that I have been away now for almost 6 weeks!!! It has been a KRAZY time for the Wennerlind family.  I finished work at my current company on June 10, 2011

I said goodbye to my Autism Playgroup and my beautiful darling children in my class. Here I am signing ALL DONE and we are getting ready to sing our goodbye song

                                            Kind of a scary face I was giving but sure love this little boy!

Saying goodbye to my families at home was really hard as well. Here are some of my Angels!!!

Leaving my kids is always such an emotional time for me. I have done this 4 times now and I tell you what it doesnt get ANY easier!!! Each state that I have done EARLY INTERVENTION in has been such an amazing experience for me! I have learned so much from these special angels from Heavenly Father! They have taught me tolerance, patience, love, and most of all how to LISTEN to the SPIRIT to know exactly what Heavenly Father would want me to help them with. I NEVER forget a child and I will NEVER forget what impact they had on me!!!

June 13 was Ryan's 30th birthday. We celebrated on Sunday (12th) with family. Alyssa our niece wanted to be right there with Ryan to help blow out the candles!!!

The morning of the 13th I awoke early to do many errands before taking off to Utah on the 15th and then on to Vegas. One of the tasks that I wasn't wanting to do but the doctor needed me to do was take a pregnancy test. So I pulled out the stick and did what you needed to do. I was shocked when this showed up. 

Here is another way of seeing them if you cant see the FAINT blue line in the windows!!!!

I am shocked. I keep looking at it.......................NO WAY! This cant be!!! I then think! I get to show this to my doctor! This will be my goodbye present for all her hard work! I am going to have a baby in Feb! OH MY GOSH, what a GREAT BIRTHDAY present for RYAN!!!! I decide not to tell him till I heard from the doctor. I stop by my sister in laws house to show her and to get confirmation that this is what I am really seeing!!! She is shocked and tells me she can DEFINITELY see a line there. We GOOGLE faint positive tests and look up the cheap brand I have and the pictures seemed to match. I am still HESITANT because I have had + tests before and end up with the BIGGEST let down! I go to the doctors later that day and take her my WILLOW TREE ANGEL of HOPE since she is the first one in over 4 years of doctors that GAVE me HOPE! I ask her if she would tell me what she thought of something. I pull out the stick and show it to her. SHE STARTS SCREAMING, CRYING, and then SCREAMING again!!!!! She gives me the BIGGEST hug and tells me WE DID IT!!! It is very faint but you are do to start today so I am not surprised. She gets the nurse to write out a script for my BLOOD work. EVERYONE in the office is JUMPING up and DOWN! They have ALL been apart of my journey. I go and get my blood work and they tell me they will in call in the morning with my levels. I am STILL VERY HESITANT!!! I just cant GET that EXCITED till I know what my levels are and that things are ok. I just couldn't let myself consciously go down that road again JUST YET! I do think though my subconscious was already there!!!!

The next day was the 14th of June. I still hadn't told Ryan. I got up early and went to my Sister in-laws ultrasound to find out when she was exactly due. It was so SPECIAL to be able to see in PERSON the little HEARTBEAT and and HEAR it!!! I HELD back tears thinking, I hope that I am next to be able to experience that! Then she found out she was 7.5 weeks along. I then get even more excited because then we are only a month apart and we can enjoy this little journey together. 

After the doctor appointment I went home and Ryan and I planned on going to Seattle to spend our LAST day in WASHINGTON together so I had bought what I wanted to give him and had planned out the whole thing of how I was going to tell him. 

I was waiting for the Doctors office to call before I officially told him. I still was being OVERLY CAUTIOUS We met one of my families from AZ that I worked with in Seattle since they were visiting and spent lunch there. By 1:00 I still had not heard from the doctor. 

We walked the PIER and took Haydeez for a drive. 

                             

By 3:00 I began to get this feeling that the NEWS was not going to be good. 

4:30-I have a missed call ( how did I miss it I dont know!! I swear I looked and checked every few SECONDS!!!) Then I see missed voice mail. I knew what was going to be said before I even listened. I am sure it was the SPIRIT comforting me and carrying me. 

DR LEVY- My dear sweet Karmann ( I am crying as I write this, it is still so real) I am SO sorry. The blood test came back NEGATIVE. I am in shock. I don't understand. The test you brought to show me was a POSITIVE and you of all people got the .001% of a false positive. I want you to know that all your other hormones were right where they were suppose to be and that when you get a doctor in Vegas to have them call me and I will go STEP by STEP with what we have worked on and make sure to go forward. I will miss you tons please dont lose contact with me and DO not give up HOPE. 

Ryan notices my change in mood right away and asks me what is wrong. I pull out the two sticks that I took the previous day and show them to him. He gets the BIGGEST smile on his face and the image still makes me so upset BUT happy to know that 1 day it will be a PERMANENT smile. The image of his face I got after telling him the story of Dr. Levy and then the blood work and the phone message was SO SAD to me! I saw such DISAPPOINTMENT in his eyes, face, and heart. We didnt say too much after that. I shed some tears but cant deny the COMFORT of the SPIRIT. 

I often wonder WHY I have to endure DISAPPOINTMENT after DISAPPOINTMENT but it is just my trial. I cant deny that EVERYTHING happens for a REASON. I cant DENY that he is not HOLDING me or isnt aware of my PAIN. I cant do ANYTHING but LEAN on him and try to understand his PURPOSE and his PLAN. It is a GREAT plan and when I do get that POSITIVE and POSITIVE blood RESULT ( because I have been promised I will) it will be ALL WORTH it with what I have endured almost 7 years now. I continue to HOLD on and ENDURE to the END. 

I have been feeling the need to get my LOWER back strengthened so I am working on that while I await insurance here in Vegas and of course Ryan to again join me from Seattle! ;)

Everyday my Testimony of the Atonement grows and I know he knows how I feel and has felt it too. What a great COMFORT that is. If I NEVER meet anyone else in the world who has dealt with what I have, I at least know that my SAVIOR has and he can relate and is there to bare me up.