Hello Again

It's been over a month since I sat down to BLOG again. I really hate it when I lose track of time and dont sit down to write but then another part of me feels so OVERWHELMED at the thought of sitting down and taking the time to write!

The past month has been VERY busy VERY crazy but VERY good! It has been so nice to have Ryan home! Even though the trip to get here was VERY eventful I am so thankful he got here safe! The first 14 hour drive from Seattle to Provo went well it was the stretch from Prove to Vegas that took 14 hours when it should have taken 7. The PENSKE truck broke down outside of NEPHI and Ryan, his dad, and Haydeez were stuck on the side of the freeway for 7 1/2 hours.

Here is Haydeez passed out in the back of the truck while they wait for the new one to arrive

 They had to bring a new truck so Ryan and his dad unloaded the already loaded truck to the other truck and then were on their way. Our ward here in Vegas is WONDERFUL. The boys rolled in at 10:00 and we had 10 PRIESTHOOD HOLDERS ready to unload a truck to help two VERY tired men. They had it unloaded, beds put together, and things separeted by rooms in a half hour. What a relief! It was so good to see my two babies!!! HAYDEEZ was so excited he just kept kissing me and kissing me. My heart melted so much! 

Here he is with his mama

It was good to be a family again. Ryan was telling everyone that being away from me was A LOT harder than he thought it was going to be! It REALLY made me smile and feel LOVED!

Work is overwhelming at times. For the past 3 years I have only done the in home therapy part and had no paperwork. Being here again and RE-learning the paper work part has worn me out. Everything is done now on the computer unlike the last time when I was here and we used paper. I have the 2nd highest caseload of the company and I have been working there 2 months!!! I know that they have A LOT of trust in me but TRYING to PERFORM and get things DOWN quickly has put a lot of ANXIETY on me. Also there is ALWAYS that part of me where I wish it was time to be done- I wish it was time to be the one who FINALLY gets to stay home and do the fun activities with the girls in the ward with their kids, play dates, swim dates, ect. Meanwhile I cant participate because I am working and even if I do a Saturday one or an evening one I feel ALONE! I am suppose to be apart of the group- I mean I am the same age BUT on such a different PLAIN that often times it can be awkward. Don't worry I'm fine but just sometimes the heartstrings get pulled BUT Heavenly Father always throws me a TENDER MERCY with a kiss or a hug or an excited run to me when I come through the door for one of my kids and how can I not be thankful for the job I have and is needed to do at this time. 

One funny thing to share with you real quick about moving into the house-

The 10 guys help move all our stuff in- ALL OF OUR STUFF- if you arent aware of my KIDS DEPOT then now you know. I have a CRIB, CHANGING TABLE, TODDLER BED, PACK-N-PLAY, CAR SEAT, HIGHCHAIR, and about 15 boxes of clothes for mostly a girl but some boys. 

On Sunday the wife of the 1st Counselor came up to me after Sacrameeting and said in this concerned voice, Where's your DAUGHTER? I was like, what do you mean? I dont have a daughter. She then tells me that her husband said that I have a daughter. I said I have a dog, maybe he meant dog. She said thats possible. Not 10 seconds later the husband looks at both of us with this REAL concerned look on his face and says, WHERE IS YOUR DAUGHTER? ( like we left her alone at home or something!!!) Both Ryan and I say, we dont have any kids. He said you dont? NOPE! I swear you had a little girl with all the baby stuff we brought in. Then I got the YOU MUST BE CRAZY look. I said I will have to explain some other time on my issues. Kind of funny, Kind of not. Kind of embarrassing, Kind of not. O well. What am I to do? We have been hauling them with us for over 5 years and 3 moves why give them away now! May be I should cause then it would happen!

SORRY LOTS OF READING THIS TIME- ARE YOU BORED YET? 

Lots of thoughts.Lots of emotions! :)

I have recently discovered the PINTEREST! It is so fun to look at all kinds of different ideas for all types of things. I am sure people are thinking Im crazy because my boards are all consumed with pregnancy, baby room ideas, and baby stuff. I cant help it! I also have come a crossed some pretty great QUOTES that have really defined me the past little while. Here are a few:

I loved this one. I have cried a lot this past few weeks. I always feel so bad after I do. I feel like I am not being strong or I am disappointing Heavenly Father for not trusting or holding on. When I saw this quote hit home. Im not weak I have just had to be strong for so long and its ok to let it out sometime. 

 I loved this one because one too. As much as I hate that it comes across my mind everyday I dont want to give up on it!

Can I tell you that as much as I hated being away from Ryan all that time. I was way more relaxed and my anxiety level was down. Yup, the stress of pregnancy was gone-I didnt realize how much it really had taken a toll on me until Ryan was back and I noticed the past few weeks feeling more emotional, more stressed, and more anxiety. I truly was like- WHAT THE? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME! As I sat and prayed I began to realize that subconsciously now there is a CHANCE again and its all coming back to me even though I wasnt really aware of it. I know a little bit has to do also with my insurance kicking in on the 1st of October and having to find a new doctor and going down that road. Pray that I can have strength. Pray that this journey can be done soon! Pray that I am continued to be taking by the hand to what is next. 

ok- Enough of DEEP stuff! Sorry! 

My birthday was the 5th of September and we took off on the 1st of September to go go California. We had such a wonderful time at Seal Beach at Ryan's Aunt and Uncles and then we took one day to go to California to see some friends from AZ. Here are some fun photos of the trip and birthday.

Here are the turtles at the house getting some rays themselves

Haydeez LOVED being outside on the front porch people/dog watching and enjoying looking at the ocean

Ryan got to try out surfing for the first time in San Diego

The beautiful Sunset

I just sat for hours watching the waves and enjoying doing NOTHING

Labor Day Pride at Seal Beach

 We went beach cruising on my Birthday

Uncle Darin loves to BBQ outside on the beach

Sorry I cant turn it for some reason

Came home to these pretty flowers on Monday from a great weekend together

 Cant believe another year has come and gone! Cant believe I am 31! Does anyone else still feel 18!? It was a great weekend as always. Ryan never fails to disappoint with things for me! I am a lucky girl.