OCTOBER

I have been meaning to sit down and write for the past few weeks but just havent had the TIME to do it!! I have had a lot of thoughts running through my head that I have FELT I needed to write down and share.


I am in awe that it is OCTOBER again! How did that happen? I swear this year has been so fast! I cant BELIEVE all that has transpired since last OCTOBER! I cant HELP but be so THANKFUL to my LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER for the BLESSINGS he has bestowed upon me in the PAST YEAR!


For the PAST 3 years I have written a POST in OCTOBER that marks an ANNIVERSARY of Ryan and I trying to have a baby. My post this time is going to be  A LOT different than any other. When I think of this years # it doesn't HIT the CORE like it used to. It doesn't make me ANGRY, MAD, or SAD.


I mean the # 7 should! 7 years of waiting for such a righteous desire should make those feeling be very apparent. Normally I would FOLLOW the path of: WHY ME? But not this time.


As I think about where I was last OCTOBER I cant believe how ROCK bottom I was and what LEANING on the SAVIOR can do and how it can heal! Of course I have my down days BUT they are nothing like they used to be.


For those of you that are reading that are not of our FAITH. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has what we call GENERAL CONFERENCE of two full days of inspirational talks twice a year from our leaders of our church and to hear from our Prophet. It is a time where I am uplifted and able to feel peace, comfort, and to continue on with life.


As I think about the last year of where I was and where I am now the Talk by Robert D. Hales hit me so hard!
His talk was called, WAITING UPON THE LORD: THY WILL BE DONE.


I knew I was going to be emotional when he started the talk with this sentence.


THE PURPOSE OF LIFE ON EARTH IS TO GROW, DEVELOP, and BE STRENGTHENED,THROUGH our OWN EXPERIENCES.


Thinking about my experiences over my life and especially the one that I am still enduring I couldnt help but feel tears streaming down my face from the very start of his talk to the very end.


He then stated:  How do we do this? The scriptures give us an answer in one simple phrase: we “wait upon the Lord.” Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, “all these things shall be for our experience, and … our good


I dont know about you- But I want to follow the Savior even when the circumstances are hard. I think about even though the past few years have been so very HARD what this trial has taught me. 


I love what he said next:


To wait upon the LORD in the scriptures means to HOPE, to ANTICIPATE, and to TRUST! To HOPE and TRUST in the LORD requires FAITH, PATIENCE, HUMILITY, MEEKNESS, LONG SUFFERING, KEEPING the COMMANDMENTS, and ENDURING to the END.

To wait upon the Lord means planting the seed of FAITH and NOURISHING it “with great DILIGENCE, and … PATIENCE.”

It means PRAYING as the Savior did—to God, our Heavenly Father—saying: “Thy kingdom come. Thy WILL be done.” It is a prayer we offer with our whole souls in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Waiting upon the Lord means PONDERING in our hearts and “ RECEIVING the Holy Ghost” so that we can know “ALL THINGS what we should do.”

As we follow the promptings of the Spirit, we discover that “TRIBULATION worketh PATIENCE” and we learn to “CONTINUE in PATIENCE until [we] are PERFECTED.

Waiting upon the Lord means to “STAND FAST" and “press forward” in faith, “having a perfect brightness of hope.”

It means “RELYING ALONE upon the merits of Christ” and “with His GRACE assisting us, saying: Thy will be done, O Lord, and NOT ours.”

As we wait upon the Lord, we are “ IMMOVABLE in keeping the commandments,”knowing that we will “one day REST from all our afflictions.”

And we “cast not away … our confidence”that “all things wherewith we have been afflicted shall work together for OUR good.”

I can honestly look through that list and say YES to every single one of those! WAITING to have a FAMILY has taught me all of those things!

Especially learning how to follow the prompting the of the spirit and learning patience. It has been the GREATEST blessing from this TRIAL and continues to BLESS me!

A few weeks ago I went to one of my home visits with one of my little boys. He was at his Nanny's house. He had only been with this nanny for a month and the changes that have occured are miraculous! He has progressed so much! To my dismay the Nanny let me know that she was no longer going to watch him. I asked her WHY and she let me know that she had some PERSONAL reasons. ( I knew why because the mom of the little boy had let me know and before going to the Nanny's house I had prayed for her to tell me the WHY in detail because I KNEW she could HELP me in my prayers lately.) She quickly changed the subject and did not go into details of why she was not going to watch my little boy. I prayed in my HEART for the next 15 minutes that if she was going to HELP me like I felt she would she would OPEN up to me! About 10 minutes later into the Session she says to me, 

I have lost 4 babies. I am pregnant again and I just need to take things slow. I lost my last one at 7 months in June and I cant take any chances of losing this one. My heart was so full! Heavenly Father had softened her to tell me. I then tell her I am so SORRY and that I TRULY understand her situation. I then begin to tell her about my situation and that I have an auto immune disorder and have lost 8. She lightens up and says SO DO I!!! I have the BEST doctor and she has referred me to the BEST specialist here in VEGAS. She then gives me the doctors names. I have an appointment on the 21st of November. HERE WE GO AGAIN! 

I was so worried that I wouldn't find a doctor that would understand my issues and here HEAVENLY FATHER placed me with a girl at the RIGHT time and the RIGHT place to bring PEACE to my aching HEART and to HELP me know I AM where I AM SUPPOSE to be!!!

The past few months I have had some incredible SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES that have lifted my soul and enlightened my mind of the WHY? That was just one of them, just one EXPERIENCE that lets me know HE is AWARE of me and LOVES me and is TAKING me still on this JOURNEY and I am not ALONE!

I truly BELIEVE there are reasons to why he gives us things, here a little and there a little. I truly BELIEVE this is how we learn to lean upon him and to REALLY BEGIN to UNDERSTAND the ATONEMENT and his LOVE for us!

Even though I have endured the physical and emotional sorrow that goes along with this trial. I cant help but feel LUCKY in a way. If that makes any sense? If I hadnt had these experiences I KNOW I would not be where I am today and I would not be the SAME person that I am.  

I loved when he said this:

   Let us remember that as we wait upon the Lord, we are becoming “saints through his atonement, … submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon us, even as a child doth submit to his father.” He hears OUR prayers. His peace and rest will be ours as we continue to WAIT UPON Him in FAITH. 

So as I go forward in the 7th year upon waiting to be a Mother in Zion- I GO forward wtih a renewed TRUST, renewed FAITH, and renewed HOPE!