2011 A Year in Review

Last year I did 2010 a Year in Review and want to do that again this year. I have been meaning to sit down and do it but just havent had the time. We got back from Chicago and I got a bad cold and then the stomach flu. Now that I am well and Ryan is at a Basketball game I am alone and ready to BLOG!

JANUARY:
Wow! Last year at this time I had just had the BEST talk with my doctor in Seattle and we were golden to start me on...........

Yup. Shot in my be hind everyday. Ryan became my naughty nurse!! j/k Actually he was really great since I am absolutely terrified of needles I couldn't even look at them and the thought of giving me the shot by myself was very up setting. Ryan is not a fan of needles either but he was so good with doing it. The second needle in the picture is the size that they had to use because the serum was so thick for the estrogen. I did that every morning and then took tons of pills for progesterone. I also had to have another Hysteroscopy done ( where they go in a scrape the inside of the Uterus out) I had supposedly had left over miscarriages and it needed to come out.  After having that done I learned that my Uterus had NEVER fully developed and that it was the size of a 10 year old. Needless to say I would have NEVER carried a baby to full term. Doctors orders were for me to be on the shots for two cycles to make sure that my cycles, uterus was growing, and lining was getting thick. 

I also got to go Vegas and see one of my Young Women get married in the temple! Such a special

experience for me. 

FEBRUARY:

It was a hard month for Ryan. I really began to see the frustration show more for what he wanted to do. As much as I wanted to discuss things with him after being married for almost 8 years I knew he wasnt ready to talk and was dealing with things on his own. I was feeling that a change was coming our way but didnt know what. I kept feeling that maybe our time here in Seattle was coming to an end but didnt know how to address it with Ryan when I knew how much he loved being there. 

Also February marked my 

Of 

MARCH:

Ryan and I have our talk about future. He applies for TEACH for AMERICA and gets passed the first interview. We are hoping they place us in Chicago and feel confident if we get the position that they will. Ryan ends up not having the second interview and he is denied the opportunity. We both feel at peace even though it was yet another NO for Ryan. 

Right after I celebrate my GLUTEN FREE year I find out I have EVEN more allergies to avoid and the worst one was EGGS! I go forward in FAITH that if I were to delete these foods that it had to do nothing but good things for my body and hopefully get me pregnant and keep a baby.

Mean while we continue to go forward in the protocol of the doctor. I have my first Intrelipid Treatment and sit in a chair for 5 1/2 hours with a HUGE needle in my arm pumping me with this milk like creamy substance. I cant believe I did it! I was so proud of myself. Ryan was so sweet and stayed by my side through the whole thing. 

I am SURE this treatment was going to do the JOB!!! My doctor thought FOR SURE that it was going to work!!! She was happy with my egg sizes, my lining and HERE is the BIG miracle! My UTERUS was the size that it needed it to be!!! Being on the HIGH DOSES of hormones for 3 cycles grew my UTERUS to the normal size she wanted it to be. My doctor was ready for the POSITIVE pregnancy test this month and couldnt wait for the first week of April to come!

APRIL:

Ryan gets back from a trip to VEGAS and comes to me that he feels we are suppose to move there. He feels he should go and get his Masters at UNLV and for me to see if I can get a job. I am a little apprehensive at first because I dont want to keep MOVING!!! The thought of Vegas was wonderful but I didnt want to GO if we werent SUPPOSE to GO! After much prayer, temple, and fasting we make the decision. I call my friends who are now supervisors to see if there is a position for me in Vegas and they tell me they can hire me. At this point we werent sure the time frame but were thinking I would go down and Ryan would follow in August. Ryan applies to Vegas and we wait. 

I get to go to TIME OUT for WOMEN with my sister Kim! We had such a fun time! We got a hotel in Seattle and spent the day together being uplifted! It was perfect! It was really our last big thing to do together since we both knew I would be moving soon!

BABY: Nope no baby!!! My doctor was in UTTER shock! I was so bummed! I laid on my bed for one whole day numb!  All I could do was pray, cry, and pray some more. WHY? I kept asking! Why? take me through all of these treatments and get me to this point and get my HOPES so high and then NO? I took 1 day to feel sorry for myself and then what can you do but pick yourself back up and go again! The thoughts of its not time but these treatments are not in vain was the ONLY thing keeping me going!! I drop the BOMB that we are moving to VEGAS!!  Doctor cries!! I cry!! and then she still wants to try again! She tells me she is bound and determined to have me pregnant before I move! So off to another cycle we go!

MAY:

We decide to move out of our apartment and move back into Ryan's parents house. When we got the apartment in August the Land Lord asked how long we wanted our lease. I kept feeling we only should have a 9 month lease but Ryan was like no. When the guy asked I said what about a 9 month lease? He said normally they dont do that but he said SURE! Ryan thought it was dumb to not do 12 but I just told him I dont know why but I feel 9! Well if you do the math, from AUG - MAY is 9 months exactly. We didnt have to break our lease and well you know what I am trying to say-it was meant to be!

BABY: NO baby! I am of course thinking that this is not going to happen here in Seattle. My doctor pleaded with me to do the treatments of the hormones 1 more time since I would find out if I am pregnant right before we leave to Vegas. So one more month of shots and pills!

I give my 1 month notice to my employer that we are moving. We have moved out, I dont have a job in a month and we still havent heard if Ryan is accepted or not. 

JUNE:

We FINALLY hear news that RYAN was accepted to UNLV. I know I know, we kind of did things backwards! Sometimes that is how FAITH works! You have to trust and make the leap with out knowing how you will land. It was such a relief to know that he would start school in August! He was so happy!!! It was so nice to see that smile again!

I say my goodbyes to all my clients in Seattle!!! It was so hard to yet again say bye! GOSH darn it! 

We celebrate Ryan's 30th on Sunday with family. He worked on Monday so we planned out BIRTHDAY stuff for Tuesday which was also our last day in Seattle. 

I get a surprise on Ryan's birthday: 

I cant believe my eyes! I show my sister in law and then off to see my doctor. She is ESTATIC and cant stop screaming and crying and saying WE DID IT!!!! I leave getting my blood drawn and wait for tomorrow's call for my blood levels. I buy a gift for Ryan to have him open on the Space Needle and hardly sleep that night.

We go to Seattle and have a WONDERFUL trip but the call is not the news I was wanting and yet again it is NO! What can I do but pick myself up after shedding a few tears and go forward trusting!

I surprise Ryan with a 30th birthday party with all of our close friends!! It is the 1st time I am able to get him off guard!!! He had no idea!!!

We head to Utah for my Grandma and Grandpa's 80th birthday party and I get to see my parents for the first time in 2 years and my brother and his family for the first time in almost 2 years. 

Ryan leaves me in Vegas and heads back to Seattle for the next 2 months. I dont think we had any clue how hard it was going to be with out one another. My dear friend Marsha let me stay in her home and the life of being back in VEGAS begins!

JULY:

I start my job and I am overwhelmed by the tasks of learning to be a Service Coordinator again after not doing it for 3 years. Learning how to write the documents on a computer instead of by hand is also an adjustment. Luckily I have great friends who are my bosses and they had great confidence in me and didnt let me beat up on myself when I forgot something or did something wrong. 

Thank goodness for SKYPE, TEXTING, PICTURE TEXTING, and unlimited CELL PHONE hours so that I could feel s close as I could with Ryan while being away. We definitely grew a lot with being apart! 

AUGUST:

I get a call that Ryan is coming 2 weeks earlier than planned! I rush to find a place to rent and find a great house within our price range and get it. 

Ryan heads down with his dad and ends up being on the side of the road in Nephi Utah for almost 8 hours before they can get a new Peneske truck and get back on the road to Vegas. It was the longest day for me too because I was waiting so patiently for their arrival. Ten at night they show up at the house and 10 guys from the ward are there to help Ryan unload and put together beds, couches, and tables. It was such a blessing!

We are a family again!!!!!

Ryan starts school and really enjoys his classes! He is placed at Liberty Highschool for his practicum.

SEPTEMBER:

We celebrate my 31st birthday at my favorite place Seal Beach and spend one day in San Diego! It was so nice to go there after being away for 3 years! Ryan's Aunt and Uncle were so excited to see us! It is always a good time when we go!

My Grandma passes away from Cancer. It is heartbreaking. We head to Utah for the funeral. 

This month I was in a funk. I couldnt figure out why and realized that the stress of trying to be a mom was back. Ryan was now back in Vegas and my subconscious was getting the best of me with obvious thoughts and worries of pregnancy, doctors, and what's next!

October:

It marks the 7th year of trying and 1 year since I had started the battle towards my depression. This time the month was not filled with the normal emotion of sadness and sorry but a feeling of peace and contentment. I found a doctor and scheduled a visit for the 21st of November. It was ok. 

November:

We awoke early one morning to a phone call giving Ryan a job at the High school he has been doing his practicum out. He starts the Monday before Thanksgiving! He was so happy and excited!!! He also started volunteering to help coach a high school basketball team. He is in his element and for the first time in 18 months I saw him truly happy.

I go to my doctors appointment: LETS JUST SAY, I left CRYING. I knew going there that she would not be the one to help me but needed to go to her in order to get the referrel to the Specialist. I didnt expect it to go like it did though. Pretty much she told me I was the most perplexing case she had ever come across and she didnt know what to do with me or really how to help me. I ask her for the referrel to Dr. Masaki but she tells me sure but I am not sure he will know either!!! She went over my records and kept drilling me on why the doctors in Arizona did this and that and all I could tell her was I DONT KNOW! I felt so stupid, a FREAK, and not to mention totally bummed by her words. I walked out and sat in my car and cried. I just kept hearing the words: She wasnt suppose to help you she was suppose to get you to the next doctor. I just keep going on that!

We head to Seal Beach for Thanksgiving. We have a great time with family. Ryan's cousin takes our Christmas photos!! :)

  DECEMBER:

Ryan is working full time, going to school full time, and coaching basketball. Needless to say we didnt see much of each other till right before we left for Chicago.

I sent out our XMAS cards and got the house decorated even though we werent going to be here. I packed our stuff up and said goodbye to our doggy for 10 long days and left on a JET PLANE to HOME!

I will do a separate BLOG post on Chicago and XMAS. There is TOO much stuff and my internet is not working fast enough for me right now to upload the pictures I want. 

2011-

Well it DEFINITELY did not end the way I thought it was going to end. I thought for sure last January that by this time I would be a mom! I NEVER would have thought we would have moved again and would be living in Las Vegas again. It has been a year of great loss of wonderful people and friends. I dont want to repeat that many funerals. I cant deny the Lord's hands in Ryan and I's life this year. 

Last year I wanted to do better with keeping in contact with those I love, continue to improve on my listening to the spirit and following it, do even better with temple attendance, scripture study, and prayer. 

I want to continue those goals. They are ones that you can never fully accomplish but only do better. 

JANUARY 2012:

I feel like I am in the same place I was last year at this time. I have a doctor appointment the 17th with the specialist and I cant say how it is going to go. I have NO clue! All I know is that I feel this is the right path and I just go forward trusting that this doctor will know the next steps and wont think I am a freak!! 

and most of all I can only hope for that time when I can share the news of I'm 12 weeks PREGNANT! 

Here's to 2012! Hope everyone has a start to the New Year and a wonderful 2012