EMULATE the SUNFLOWER

This weekend marks the annual year of when Ryan and I decided that it would be time to begin our family. It was General Conference weekend and I remember the excitement that I felt to think that it was time for me to finally be a mom!! Something I have wanted to be from when I was a little girl. Of course as we all know, it didnt happen right away. I remember sitting with Ryan's Aunt and Uncle in their ward in Orem and his Uncle Matthew leaning over to me and pointing to a couple that was holding a new baby boy. He tells me, they had been trying for 7 years and they finally got their miracle! Dont give up, it will happen. At that point we had been trying for 2 years with no success and I thought in my head..............7 years!!! No way, I could NEVER endure that long, I could NEVER handle that, THAT WONT BE ME!!! Little did I know that it would be me and I would I actually surpass that!! How quickly time goes by when you are having fun! ;) For those of you who are not of our f...

Sorry for the delay with getting the update of the next steps. I have to admit when I got the application and read through the whole packet it became VERY overwhelming and I really couldnt get my head around it. It all seemed too much and I felt like I didnt know where to even begin. We left for a mini vacation and I thought for sure I would sit down and plan it all out and have it set to go but that vacation has come and gone and I still had done nothing..................... I found myself in a big slump last week with the heavy feeling over my head and kept telling myself if I want to get this going I need to sit down and start!!!! I would try but how do I begin this? I guess there is a little fear..................ok there was A LOT of fear! FEAR that I would fail................FEAR that what if no one comes to my Event................FEAR that we wouldn't raise enough money...................and then of course the WHY me! To be honest with you through the last year I ...

I thought that it might take a little longer! I was hoping that it wouldnt but after a month passed by I wrote Dr Sher.  I wrote him to ask if there was any tests or things that Ryan and I could do while we wait to hear from the Foundation. He told me he did not want to see me or do any tests because it was going to be money out of my pocket and he didnt want to take money from me if there was a chance I would be picked. He told me to hold on a little longer even though it was hard. So I let it go! I stopped looking for it and figured it could be later this year and to not keep looking for it! It was a relief to let it go. I like to plan things out and somewhat have control but lets be honest, has it EVER gone the way that I think it will go? NOPE! A shock came to me yesterday when I opened up my email and there is a title stated: CONGRATULATIONS KARMANN AND KARL from: INCIID the heart! My heart dropped as I opened up the document and read:

I had to write a letter to the committee as to why they should pick us. I wanted to add it to the Blog so that it is apart of the documentation of this journey. Here it is: 6/12/12 To whom it may concern: My name is Karmann Wennerlind and I am writing on behalf of my husband and I concerning the IVF scholarship program through From INSIID the Heart foundation. I am thankful for the opportunity to write and share our story in hopes for a chance for help concerning our journey to be parents. I just recently was informed about this foundation by our doctor, Dr Sher, here in Las Vegas. I am truly touched that there are doctors who are willing to give their time, talents, and efforts to help couples in need who long to be parents who may not have the ability to do so on their own. Ever since I was a little girl all I wanted to be was a mom. I grew up with a brother that was 5 years older than me so in my younger years I was alone. I would have all my dolls around me in front...

Can you believe that it is June? Where is the time going? Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote! Waiting things out was the right decision and even though it took a little while it has been so sweet to go forward together. A week before our 9 year anniversary Ryan came to me ready to find out what we needed to do. Ready to seek answers and then go forward in faith. Thursday May 17th we went to the temple and both left feeling that we needed to go back to the doctors and go forward with what he suggested. I called the next day to get an appointment. They could see us Wednesday May 23rd. Perfect! Two days later I found out that my dear college roommate had passed away and the funeral would be the 23rd of May in Salt lake City. I of course had to cancel the long awaited appointment to be there for my friends. The funeral was really hard. It was so hard to see my friend in the casket at such a young age. I was so sad feeling like I could have done more to help her! She was hurtin...

I met with the doctors almost 2 months ago. The proposed date for treatments to start was said to be April 30. At the time I thought, man that is a long time from now to wait! I dont want to wait that long! I want to get started now! The doctor reassured me that it would be here fast and that he needed the time to prepare for things. Today is April 30. The two months did go by fast just like the doctor said it would. I cant believe that it is here. However, today is not the day we start treatments. It is not the day that we go down the path of is it time? Today, April 30, is just a normal day. I dont have any patients today which is VERY unusual. Maybe it is just a tender mercy from Heavenly Father to let me just sit and feel his spirit. To let me know that he is aware of me and that it is ok. To comfort my heart as it is saddened by the fact that the day I thought we would start is here and yet we are still at a standstill of what to do. I have learned some good lessons...

It's 4:25 in the morning. I awoke to the impression to write my experience yet again that has occurred in the past few months and especially what has occurred in the past few days! I know with out a doubt that this whole experience I have truly been lead and guided by a LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER and with out the impressions of the HOLY GHOST and the ability to recognize and follow I would not be here at this moment with a COMPLETE PUZZLE! I am sorry that I have neglected my blog the past few months. I am not even sure if anyone still reads it anymore or is even interested in what I have to say. I have always wondered if you all get sick of my same old posts that are concerning the roller coaster of my journey to be a Mother. I apologize if that is the truth but then again I have felt impressed to share my journey and to tell my story so there has to be at least one of you that has benefited from my ups, downs, sideways, circles, and derailed coaster! This is going to be VERY LONG!...