EMULATE the SUNFLOWER

I awoke with this song in my head. It hit me as I was thinking of all of you and how it applies to us! ⠀ ⠀ 🎶 I am not a stranger to the dark. Hide away, they say. Cause we don't want your broken parts. I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars 🎶 ⠀ ⠀ In the trenches of my journey. I was ashamed of my scars. I was ashamed of me. My body was broken and I truly felt no one would love me because I was not a mom. I am married for + years and I should be a mom. Everyone else I knew or crack heads on the street are! Why not me? I wasn’t being told to hide away but I did hide away. I hid from family because I didn’t have grandkids, nieces or nephews. I hid from dear friends because they had families. I hid from church because it was family central. I felt ashamed for who I was. I looked in the mirror and hated who I saw! I felt worthless! I was ashamed of me and me was infertility! ⠀ ⠀ 🎶 Another round of bullets hits my skin 🎶 ⠀ ⠀ The bullets of “When are you ...

Thank you all for all of your sweet DM’s and comments on my last post!! We are all strong warriors in this fight! I want to leave you with this quote for the long 3 day weekend. Infertility is HOPE!!! Infertility is all of those cursive words behind HOPE and those cursive (curse) words are unbearable BUT HOPE truly is infertility! HOPE for this cycle to be the one! HOPE for good lining. HOPE for good CM. HOPE for strong swimmers! Hope for a positive OPT! HOPE for good egg retrieval. HOPE for good embryos! HOPE for a BFP and finally see two RED LINES! HOPE for a doubling beta! HOPE for a heartbeat! HOPE for a rainbow baby. HOPE for a child through ADOPTION!!! HOPE for a baby one day in your arms! HOPE to one day be called mommy! You are doing all of those cursive words, although it sucks a lot, because HOPE is pushing you and carrying you on!!! Don’t let go of HOPE!! It’s in you oh so strong! I’m here to help boost it when you need it the most! Look to my story when you feel like HOP...

I have been asked by quite a few of you to tell a little bit about me and my story: here it is in glimpse form. All miscarriages happen 5-6 weeks 🌻 from Aurora, Illinois 🌻 live in Vegas 🌻 37 years old about to turn 38 🌻 married my hubby in 2003 🌻 1st miscarriage April 2004 🌻 graduated with my Masters in   Sp. Ed 2006 🌻 2nd miscarriage March 2007 🌻 3rd miscarriage June 2007 🌻 took big break-move to Phoenix 🌻 4th miscarriage February 2009 🌻 5th miscarriage April 2009 🌻 6th miscarriage June 2009 🌻 finally gave in and decided to see a fertility Dr 🌻 1st IUI MC Aug 2009 #7 🌻 insurance denied laparoscopy 🌻 told needed IVF - walked away 🌻 why pay IVF if I don’t know why I MC! 🌻 took BIG break moved toSeattle 🌻 papers in for adoption Jan 2010 🌻💔 family gave baby to another family Feb 2010 🌻 found out I have Celiacs 2/10 🌻 worked hard on my diet 🌻 September 2010 started journey again 🌻 diagnosed with seve...

This is my Senior year picture. It is 20 years old this past May. I am 37 years old right now. I will be 38 on September 5th. As I look back at my life right now to that time; it is NOTHING what I thought it was going to be. Is it ever though? Is it ever like we had thought it would go when we were in middle school or high school? NOPE! I don't think I have ever met anyone who put out on paper what they would like to be, have, and do by 40 and successfully achieved it all. Life is just not like that. Ever since I was a little girl my dream was to be a mom. As a five year old I carried my baby dolls all around with me and it was a passion from the beginning. As I got older I surrounded myself around children. I loved being with them. I couldn’t wait till I was old enough to babysit. I started babysitting when I was 11 years old and I continued to spend my free time all throughout high school around children. I was the baby whisperer. I could rock and hold a baby for hours...

I wanted to take time today to tell the background of why I chose EMULATE THE SUNFLOWER for my blog site. The word EMULATE means: to imitate, copy, mirror, echo, follow, or model of oneself. I think it as "to LIKE SOMEONE or SOMETHING." The SUNFLOWER has always been my favorite flower. There is something about the sunflower that has always resonated in me. It is big, bright, happy, and it is yellow! My bedroom growing up was red with yellow sunflowers as a border. It was my happy place. As I have gotten older the sunflower has taken on a whole different meaning to me. I learned that a sunflower is a great example to all of us. It emulates how we should look at life and how we should be. Sunflowers stand tall. They can grow up to 16 feet tall. They are strong. They tower through the darkness. How do they becomes such strong flowers? They always face the sun! They follow the sun from the moment they are starting to grow. They turn to the sun for light, strength,...

Hello everyone, My name is Karmann Wennerlind. Thank you for taking the time to be here, read, and follow along with me as I share some deep thoughts and experiences on hard topics. I am not a professional, expert, or claim to know everything. I am just a girl who had a dream starting from the young age of 5 and it didn't go the way I had thought. I am just a girl who in the past 15 years has experienced hard issues that come with unexplained infertility. I am just a girl who has experienced 13 miscarriages. I am just a girl who knows the process of IVF both failed and successful. I am just a girl who experienced a failed adoption. I am just a girl who suffers from depression and has great anxieties. I am just a girl who has struggled to find my self worth. I am just a girl who has been beaten down, felt alone, and felt forsaken at times. I am just a girl who wants to share to the world that although I have been through all of these hard things; I have stood tall through it a...